Fully Alive…Ready to Smile

Oh, my naughty, naughty girl! She took her own bib off to make better use of her tummy as a palette.

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No, there wasn’t anyone wearing dirty shoes at a fashion show. Two different subjects.

I went with a bunch of friends to a fashion show this morning. What a wonderful show they put on and it was great that there were quite a few friends and family members in it. And it was no small ordeal. The clothes were great, the music rocked, and the models were fabulous. Louise happened to be one of the models and we were all wowed by her stage presence. She had something going on! Talk about exuding confidence and attitude (good attitude!). Way to go Louise, I was right, you are one hot mama!!

It was funny, as I sat there watching them all strut there stuff on the catwalk, I wanted nothing more than to have the courage and confidence to do something like that. I was a tad jealous, mostly because I feel like I would never have the guts to put myself out there. To get out of my comfort zone and just do the things I secretly love to do. I’d love to be able to be in a band and sing. I’d love to dance (I do, just no one can see me ; D ), and I’d love to have the grace and poise that those models did. To walk with confidence and elegance.

I was in such a state when I got home that I put on my new walking shoes and went out. I practiced walking…what a sight, me swinging my hips and walking down a muddy gravel road. All by myself, singing with my mp3 player. I was actually tempted at one point to start dancing, but I thought that might not be such a good idea as the mud was really soft and I could see an accident waiting to happen. But I did feel refreshed from my first walk of the season and my shoes worked wonderfully. They are no longer glowingly clean. So I accomplished what I set out to do and I didn’t have to jump in a mud pit.

Ain’t they perty? I went and did something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time (umm…6 years?) Shh, don’t tell anyone that I wore the same runners for 8 years…

I thought about ordering some from the Sears catalog, but how do you choose from hikers,
trail walkers, walkers, runners, cross trainers and combinations thereof, not to mention I’d have to order multiple pairs to get the right fit and that all seemed like too much work. I thought about going to Walmart, but then I thought maybe I should get something really good quality (especially if I’m going to wear them for the next 8 years :D…okay I won’t do that!). So then I decided to hit the Running Room. They assessed my feet and fit me with a pair to support my very flat arches, which in turn will help my feet and knees not turn in, eliminating knee and hip pain and making walking and yes, even jogging, easier. And they were on sale! The only thing that wasn’t really wonderful was that they are white. They shine. They glow! I’m going to go jump in a mud pit to make them a little less brilliant…maybe this one…

(That’s part of our back yard…the sod farm shut down the day we were supposed to get the rest of our back yard grass!)

But I’m very happy that I can now start my exercising on the right foot…feet…shoes… : )

I’m starting Monday morning at 7:00. Louise is going to keep me accountable. She said she’d phone me to make sure I’m up and at ‘em. So the plan is Tae Bo and Pilates in the morning and a walk in the evening. I’m really excited to put my new shoes to the test. Wish me luck.

I slept, I slept, I finally slept (said in a singsongy voice)!!!! After a week and a half of coughing my lungs out I slept 7 hours straight without coughing. Mind you, I only slept 7 hours total. If you saw the picture below, that was Kyle, Louise and I hanging out till all hours of the morning (well, 2 a.m. to be exact). I was going to leave by midnight, I think Kyle was too, but we just kept talking and talking and talking. It’s one of those evenings that you’d rather forgo the couple extra hours of sleep to be with your friends and really get to know them better. It was awesome! Thanks guys.

If you haven’t listed a book for my Buy A Friend A Book Week thingy, you’re time is almost up. I don’t have nearly as many as I’d like so let’s go, people, tell me what you want. And don’t get all “I feel so selfish” on me. I’M BUYING SOMEONE A BOOK!!!!!!! It’s my choice so indulge me, please, I’m begging you…I’m going to start listing people if I don’t hear from you. The whole world’s going to know, and then how are you going to feel, huh? Don’t make me get mean and nasty about it…

Seriously, so far I have requests from the following people: Louise, Ruth, Jamie, Rachel and Kathy.

These people have expressed interest, but not given me suggestions: Dedee and Svea.

So, if you are not listed there and you read my blog, tell me what book you’re dying to have.

And if you just haven’t listed something for me because you don’t know how to comment, here’s the trick. At the bottom of each post there’s something that looks like this:

Posted by Erin 12 comments

1. Click on the light blue “comments” link and there will either be lots of great things that people have already written to me or you will be the first lucky person!
2. Then there’s a box where you can write your commentary and you don’t have to be a blogger. That’s why there are the “other” and “anonymous” options. Just click one of those and put in your name and website or if you prefer to remain anonymous (which I hope you don’t, that’s no fun) you can choose that option. So, now you have no reason not to comment.

So apparently Dedee nominated me for an award…It’s the Thinking Blogger Award (If you want the rules to this game click on this link). I’ve never won anything (I don’t think, if I have I don’t recall) so I am very excited and I feel very honored! Thank you Dedee! A speech? Oh, I don’t have anything prepared, but let’s see here…I would first off like to thank God because everyone else thanks Him first so I feel it’s protocol, but in all seriousness, I do have a lot to thank Him for and if I actually start listing all the things that He’s blessed me with we’d be here all day. I’d also like to thank my lovely husband who has put up with my blogging addiction and nodded and smiled, pretending to really understand what I’m talking about. I’d also like to thank my 2 darling daughters who have probably felt annoyance at my need to “quickly finish what I’m typing” episodes. And most of all, to my dear readers…I don’t feel that I deserve any award because there are so many blogs out there that have so much more than I feel I have to share, but I thank all of you who care enough to keep coming back.

Okay, so now it’s my turn apparently. Five blogs that make me think. If you are on my blogroll you already make me think and I keep coming back for the morsels you all offer up each day. But I can only pick 5…hmmm…

In no particular order they are (and please don’t be mad if you’re not listed here, there are just too many good ones and I am only allowed 5)…

1. Val…a sweet woman I have never met, but feel privileged to call her “friend”. Her sincere heart and lovely personality just pours from her words on her Blog.

2. Lindsay…a long lost friend whom I found via her blog. The inner workings of this wonderful woman’s mind never cease to amaze and amuse me. Her growth and vulnerability, strength and sassyness make me ache for the years missed. Welcome back to my life…

3. Louise…a newbie but a goodie. Only a few weeks has she been gracing us with her wisdom, but I’ve learned a lot. And you didn’t think you could write eloquently…ha! You go girl!

4. Joyce…her openess, raw honesty and very, very funny humor has made me think many, many times. I don’t think a post goes by that I don’t sit back and ponder, wondering about my own life. She should write a book…

5. Ruth…always finding nuggets of gold in life’s little and big experiences. She is very good at taking something simple and moving to the next level with it, reminding us of God’s graciousness and love.

So if you’re not on my list it’s only because I really could only pick 5. The fact that you’re on my blogroll should speak for itself. Thank you all for the enjoyment that each of your stories, pictures and anecdotes has brought to my life, and many others.

Today I was given something…for free, but I protested, “Are you sure it’s okay, I can just have it, just take it? It feels so wrong!” I think I even asked that more than once. The person who was giving me this stuff just laughed and looked at me contemplatively.

“You seem to have an issue with receiving!”

I paused and thought about that. I wanted to protest, because that would be another imperfection in my character, wouldn’t it?

“Yeah, I guess I do, now that you mention it”. Thinking back on other times people have offered to help me or give me something for nothing in return, I always protest…always want to give something back.

“But you probably like giving to others, don’t you?” this person asked me.

“Yes, I love it!”

“This may speak to heart issues you have, you probably have trouble receiving from your Heavenly Father, don’t you?” He asked me. “You feel the need to control situations instead of receiving His provision for you.”

Oooohhhh…that makes all kinds of sense in my life. My credit card, for one. It speaks directly to the issue of receiving blessing from God. I don’t wait on Him, or even ask of Him. I try and figure it out on my own. And then my generosity gets me in trouble. I need to tap into the blessings God has for me in my own life and then I can give to others without putting it on my credit card and stretching myself beyond our means. A win/win situation.

I thought that I just had some trust/faith issues, but receiving…hmmm, that puts things into even greater perspective. All of this, just from going to a bookstore this morning.

And on that note, we’ve been working through a faith issue about selling our house. We need about $2000 to finish up everything to the point of putting it onto the market in the condition we would like. We automatically thought Oh, we can just go to the bank and take out a small loan, pay it off when we sell and be done with it, everyone does it, it’s totally normal! But then I thought about it a little more…

We just finished going through a week where we literally had to trust God to come through for 3 different payments that we didn’t have. Even though they weren’t big ($35-50 each), something from nothing is still impossible! He did come through and it was amazing. Miraculous, even. So then, what’s $2000 to God. We decided to give Him the chance to prove His provision to us in a bigger way. He’s proved Himself faithful in the small, now we will sit back and wait for his blessing and His timing. It’s not all about NOW…instant gratification. We don’t HAVE to sell our house right now, we just WANT to. In our culture want vs. need is a very blurred line. I asked Jer to remind me of this when I doubted. Sure enough, the very next day I saw a “For Sale” sign on the front yard of someone we know and instantly dealt with jealousy. “How come they can just decide to put their house up for sale and do it, while we have to sit here and wait?” Enter Jer, “we don’t HAVE to wait, we decided to wait, remember? Faith?” Oh yeah. Thanks Jer. And thank you God for your blessing in our life and the patience to make it.

Okay, here’s the video. Never mind my funny voice in the background, I have a terrible chest cold. I actually had to cut the video short because I was holding in a crazy coughing fit and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Anyway, here it is…(oh, and don’t forget to turn the music off on the side of my blog…)

I’m going to post the video as soon as it’s ready with Aidan running around being silly in her half off pajamas. It was too funny. Until then, here’s a preview picture to enjoy!

I just heard the toilet flush!! “Wow Erin, that’s great…who cares?” It is great…it’s my new downstairs toilet that just got installed by my dear husband. Okay, I’ll go get a picture, just a minute…

Okay, here he is being his funny self. I told him it was going on my blog, but it didn’t bother him.

Here’s some other great moments in my not-so-great-week… (I had a nasty chest thing going on, apparently yeast can come out of your lungs, too…yay!)

Ella finally giving in to the need to wear mommy’s boots. I think she said to my mom the other day “Granny, I want boots with those thingies on them just like mommy has!” (referring to the heels!)

Aidan being her usual naughty self and putting her half eaten bowl of rice on her head and thinking it’s the funniest thing in the world. It was…until I had to pick all the little sticky rice pieces out of her fine hair.

Have you ever run into someone that you haven’t talked to in a long time and you know that they know you’re there, but it seems that they are trying very hard to pretend they don’t see you, even though you know they do? That happened today. It’s the very person I’ve wondered what I would do if I saw them because there is an enforced silence (on her part) that I have tried to break. It’s a relationship that I thought was worth fighting for. It’s been almost 8 months since I’ve laid eyes on her. I did something very out of the ordinary for me. My normal reaction would be to pretend I also don’t see her and let her feel relieved that there was no awkward moment to endure and feel somewhat relieved myself while still feeling guilty for not at least trying. But no, I couldn’t do that. I walked right up to her, tapped her on the shoulder and hugged her. I think surprised doesn’t even begin to describe what registered on her face.

This all transpired at a funeral. Let’s just say funerals are really good at getting you thinking about what’s important. I sat there at this funeral wondering to myself if there was any relationship that needed repairing in my life because I can’t imagine the guilt on either part if one or the other of us would die. I know this all sounds very morbid, but it’s a reality. People are gone in a blink of an eye. Life is precious and so are the people in it. I just needed her to know that there are no hard feelings on my part and that in the event she ever wanted my friendship back, she would know I’m still here. No strings attached. I’ve stopped chasing her and all the memories and I’m letting life take it’s course, but I still needed her to know that I’m not some scary person. That the situation between us hasn’t taken on a life of it’s own and all the horrible scenarios regarding the situation that somehow get created in the mind during an absence aren’t true.

I just realize there is no place in life for unforgiveness and silence.

5 Minutes for Mom is having a great contest to win a dance skirt for your little princess. These adorable creations are from Katchy Kids Dancewear.

So I’m starting again. I took a little bit of a break. It was a bit longer than I wanted, but I’m getting back on the wagon. The longer I sit here and feel guilty about not keeping up, the harder it gets to motivate myself. So, no guilt, just the renewed desire to keep going. Thank goodness I went out with a bang and 2 pieces of strawberry shortcake. That should keep me going for a while (hence the bloated emoticon on the sidebar).

In answer to Val’s question about which books I bought, they are:

1. Personality Plus For Parents: Understanding What Makes Your Child Tick by Florence Littauer
2. Families Where Grace is in Place by Jeff VanVonderen
3. How to Really Parent Your Child by Ross Campbell
4. A Mom’s Guide to Making Memories Last by Crystal Bowman

I’m in the middle of the first one about personalities and wow! I’m shocked to see how correct they are. I’m not only learning to identify what my kids are (particularly Ella) and how to relate to her, I’m learning a lot about myself. About my strengths, my weaknesses and my reactions. I’m recognizing that the things I’ve ridiculed and berated myself for, the things I’m ashamed about with my personality, the places I’ve felt like a failure, are all part of my make up and they are not to be viewed in a demeaning light. I can take stock of my weaknesses and I can keep them in balance, but they are not products of a horrible person. Anyone who has the same personality type as me would understand and deal with the same areas (for interest sake, I’m a Sanguine/Phlegmatic). So freeing! I’ve realized why I struggle in certain areas and why Ella and I butt heads so often. We both have the same dominant personality, but different secondary personalities (She’s a Sanguine/Choleric).

I strongly recommend this book if you have kids. If you don’t have kids, get the Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself. It will give you permission to be yourself, while learning to recognize the inherent strengths and weaknesses that go along with who you are, as well as learning why you do and don’t get along with certain people in your life.

I am so exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally. It was one of those days that makes me question my parenting skills. It makes me wonder if when God was doling out patience, He skipped over me. It makes me wonder what I need to do to change the constant battle that I go through (especially with Ella) dealing with bad attitudes, disobedience, and just life. I guess she’s 3. And Aidan’s almost 2. ‘Nuf said!!

It was so draining, in fact, that at one point I sat by the table almost in tears with this rock in the bottom of my stomach wondering to myself where I’ve gone wrong and if my kids are going to end up horrible and if I’m screwing them up beyond all repair (oh, the melodramatic side of me comes out!). So much so that I ordered not just 1, but 4 books on parenting, grace and guidance through these years. Oh yes. That is desperation. And it’s PMS. I’m probably going to get my books and wonder what the big deal was.

The sun was so warm out on our porch yesterday afternoon that we just had to take advantage of it. The girls are so excited to be outside finally that I literally have to drag them in the house kicking and screaming when it’s supper time. Hopefully that doesn’t last all summer!

It was really quiet yesterday while Ella was in the bathroom supposedly washing her hands. I didn’t hear water running or the running dialog that usually accompanies her everywhere she goes. So I went to inspect…normal rule of thumb: if there is silence, there is trouble. This is what I found…

She decided to put on makeup. Mascara to be exact! It was in her hair, almost in her eyes, definitely on her eyelashes, and I don’t know how she managed that without stabbing herself in the eye!

I’m cleaning the bathroom yesterday and Ella’s playing with her teddy bear when she comes in the bathroom and says the following:

Ella: My teddy’s tummy is getting cracked and her baby is coming out.

Me: Her tummy’s getting what?

Ella: Cracked!

Me: Is that how babies come out?

Ella: Uh huh, you crack the tummy and take it out.

Me: So how does a baby come out of a mommy like me?

Ella: YOU CRACK THE TUMMY!! (duh, she already told me that)

Me: And how does a baby get into a mommy’s tummy?

Ella: You crack her tummy open and put the baby in!

Me: Ah!

It’s brilliant what kids will think about and formulate in their heads.