Avoidance is an Art form
I’ve been avoiding the subject like the plague. Maybe I’m in denial. Maybe I’ve got a lot of faith (one can only hope). Maybe it’s just is too much to talk about. Maybe I’m still just a little girl who thinks her daddy is invincible.
My dad is going in for surgery on Monday (Oct. 29) to remove the cancer on his jaw/tongue. He had cancer on his tongue 4 1/2 years ago and they removed a quarter of his tongue then and replaced it with tissue from his thigh. It was a traumatic time (his surgery was the day I was due with Ella and he didn’t come home until after she was born). The face of my father has changed. He used to be an amazing singer and since his surgery will not sing…not that he can’t, I think he just won’t because it’s hard to sing and even talk around a tongue that is numb. This is very painful for me because my dad’s beautiful voice has always been something I’ve been proud of and my daughters will never get to know that. But in exchange for this he is alive. I still have my dad.
Now we face this road again. This time they have to remove part of his jaw on the right side of his face and the bottom teeth on that side. They will replace the jawbone with bone from his shin and then he’ll have to go to Edmonton at some point to get new teeth.
Not to mention the removing of the cancer. It’s such a scary word that carries all kinds of connotations with it. The little demons that follow it around and try and get in my head and heart. I will not let them. I’m trying with all my might to not think about it. Not because I’m denying it, but because there is nothing I can do. Worrying changes nothing. Faith changes everything. I will believe that God is bigger than this and that He has my dad in his care. I choose to believe in something bigger than me, than cancer. I choose because I know the power of prayer and healing. I choose because I have no other choice. Well, I have one other choice, fear, but I won’t choose that.
I’m hoping that this journey will be easier on him and us because there is no alcohol involved this time (he was in withdrawal last time he had surgery and it was pure hell…I didn’t know this, I was told it was combinations of drugs and complications of surgery). Hopefully the healing process will be quicker because of his body being better able to handle it.
Please pray for my dad. Please.
Oh Erin, I can’t even imagine, but you said it best: “God is bigger than this, bigger than cancer.”
You, your dad, and your family will be in my prayers.
Comment by ValleyGirl — October 27, 2007 @ 7:43 pm
Praying for your dad Erin
Comment by jen — October 27, 2007 @ 8:52 pm
I can’t even imagine, Erin. I’m a “Daddy’s Girl” too, and I would be scared out of my mind.
Keep your faith strong, Erin. I love what you said, “Worry change nothing. Faith changes everything.”
Live that. Breathe that.
Praying…
Comment by Andrea — October 27, 2007 @ 9:11 pm
praying for your daddy. and you.
Comment by Ruth — October 27, 2007 @ 9:50 pm
Thinking of you and hoping your Dad will come out of surgery even stronger then before! Love you!
Comment by Tara — October 28, 2007 @ 1:46 am
**hugs** & prayers! Hoping everything turns out okay.
Hang in there!
Comment by robin — October 28, 2007 @ 11:06 am
Thinking of you and praying too!!!
Comment by Louise — October 28, 2007 @ 11:24 am
Hey girl, you know I’m praying, in fact, I’m going to go to bed soon and I will be sure to have you all in my prayers! Lots of love, Bonnie
Comment by Bonnie — October 28, 2007 @ 10:12 pm
You KNOW I am thinking of you and will be tomorrow . . . with many many prayers. xoxo
Comment by Val — October 28, 2007 @ 10:37 pm
. . . ok, so i had more thoughts but my comment was getting too long, so i’ll just email you
Comment by Val — October 28, 2007 @ 10:40 pm
Praying… Please email me updates, okay?
Comment by Lindsay — October 28, 2007 @ 10:55 pm
u “visited” my blog so now you have 3 awards
HUGS
Comment by jen — October 29, 2007 @ 1:18 am
I understand very well what the “c” word does to people’s mind. I pray that the Lord would be with you and your family this day - to comfort you and bring you peace of mind and heart.
I pray for your dad that the Lord would bring healing to his body and a very quick recovery time.
Comment by Nadine — October 29, 2007 @ 8:39 am
praying for you and your family…
Comment by PamJ — October 29, 2007 @ 10:26 am
Of course I’ll be praying for you and your parents. Boy, everytime he has surgery, a relative gives birth! But of course we don’t want that to be a trend, b/c we don’t want him to have any more surgeries. I admire your strength and faith.
Comment by Jenene — October 29, 2007 @ 10:39 am
praying…
Comment by esther — October 29, 2007 @ 10:18 pm
Keeping your family in my prayers ((hugs))
Comment by Alexis — November 1, 2007 @ 11:12 am