Farewell
My Grandma just passed away about an hour ago. She went into the hospital on Saturday because she was not feeling well. I’m not even sure what to write. I’m sad. For my Grandpa who is alone now. For my mom who has lost her mother. For myself because this is my first grandparent to die. At the same time I’m happy for my Grandma. She was so unhappy and she was ready to go. Her life was a very hard one. She lost her first child to crib death (or SIDS). A number of years later she lost another child who was hit by a truck while crossing the road to go to the school bus when she was 7 years old. She was told by her doctor to try and get pregnant right away after the second child’s death because it would help her to heal emotionally. Seventeen years later that child was killed in a motorcycle accident. That’s when my grandmother stopped existing.
I guess you could say I never actually knew the real woman. I only knew the woman medicated heavily. But this woman I loved. Dearly. She was kind, compassionate, funny, loving, generous and so many other things. She made some of the best food in the world. She sewed better than anyone I know. She always had the prettiest flowers and the best vegetable garden. Her home was always a place of love and warmth. My favorite memories are at her house. Sleeping over, helping her in her garden, baking buns with her, sitting in her sewing room in the sunshine playing with my toys while the constant whir of the sewing machine hummed in the background. The time she would take to do special little things for me that meant so much. She would sew tiny, little clothes for my Barbies that were far prettier than anything you could buy in a store. A couple weeks ago she crocheted tiny blankets for my girls for their dolls even though half the time she didn’t remember who they were. The long standing family joke was that everyone wanted Grandma to have their name when we pulled names for gifts at Christmas because she always gave the most thoughtful gifts. This will be a memorable Christmas for whoever it is that grandma had.
The hardest thing for me is the fact that she recently stopped remembering who we were. The day I went to her house and I gave her a hug and said I love you and she looked at me kind of confused and said “I’m sorry, I don’t know you.” That’s really when my Grandma died. But I still loved her till the end. We still treated her like we always did. I’m sad that my kids will probably never remember her. And likely they never knew the real her to begin with. Ella will probably have faint memories all her life. Aidan will not.
My heart is aching right now as I try and remember the last time I hugged her and said goodbye when we were there to visit last week. When I kissed her leathery cheek and I said we’ll see you soon not knowing that it was the very last time I’d see her alive. But that woman must be rejoicing right now as she holds her 3 long lost babies in her arms again. She finally has peace, I’m sure.
I love you, Grandma.
Oh Erin, I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma. She sounds like she was a spectacular lady, despite the sadness throughout her life. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers …
Comment by Nicole — December 11, 2007 @ 1:51 pm
Oh Erin, I’m so sorry to read this. Even when the end is expected, for the better, etc., it’s still hard. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. Looks like you’re doing a great thing by remembering the best years, just as I’m sure your grandmother would’ve wanted–and, btw, my grandmother made my Barbies and Cabbage Patch Kids clothes too
Comment by sognatrice — December 11, 2007 @ 1:55 pm
I’m sorry, Erin. I’ll be thinking of you and your mom as you go through this time. Love you lots. Elin
Comment by Elin — December 11, 2007 @ 2:06 pm
Oh Erin hon, I am SO terribly sorry for you and your family’s loss:( My prayers and thoughts are with you at this time.
(((HUGS)))
Comment by Randi — December 11, 2007 @ 2:46 pm
That was beautifully written, thinking of you and your whole family during this time of sadness. Love you lots! (((hugs)))
Comment by tara — December 11, 2007 @ 4:37 pm
Hey girl, So sorry, I will miss her also, she was a wonderful great Tante Nite. I loved her dearly. My prayers are with you and your family. See you soon.
Comment by Bonnie — December 11, 2007 @ 5:23 pm
Goodbye Grandma.
Comment by Gloria — December 11, 2007 @ 5:27 pm
Hey girl,
She was the best at everything we remember her for. She and your mom made my wedding dress which was the most beautiful dress in the world and she made each of my kids there blankies. She is loved and will be missed by those who knew her. But you’re right. She’s happy now with Jesus and her loves that went before her!
Comment by Kathy — December 11, 2007 @ 6:16 pm
my thoughts and prayers are with sweet one
I have an aunty a lot like your grandma was she lost her first baby to SIDS, then a few years ago one of her children in a car accident involving a drunk driver.
HUGS
hold on to those good memories you have of her
it helps I think she know thats shes in heaven with her babes
MASSIVE HUGS
Comment by jen — December 11, 2007 @ 7:18 pm
i’m sorry erin. that’s really hard. but wow, you are blessed to know your grandparents. i never knew any of mine. i didn’t know what i was missing….but afer reading your post — i think i do.
love you.
Comment by Ruth — December 11, 2007 @ 7:26 pm
I am so sorry, Erin! I was 2 when my mom’s mom died & I just lost my last grandparent almost a year ago. I don’t remember my mom’s mom that much, but I wish I did. From what I’ve heard, she was a fantastic, God-loving woman who loved me very much!
My thoughts & prayers are with you guys!
Comment by robin — December 11, 2007 @ 7:42 pm
Grandparents are so special. I was blessed to have EIGHT grandparents in my life and to have fond memories of all of them. But I have also had to say good-bye to 6 of them. The hard part of having loved ones is letting them go.
She will definitley be at peace being able to hold her three children. The times when you miss her the most, keep those thoughts at the front of your mind; picture her grinning from ear to ear as she can hug and kiss the children that she had to unwillingly surrender to Jesus all those years ago.
I’m glad you have such fond memories of your Grandma. Peace to you and your family as you experience this loss, especially so close to Christmas.
Comment by Andrea — December 11, 2007 @ 8:29 pm
Erin, I’m so sorry… You’ll miss so many things about her and all the beautiful things she added to your life - but I’m so happy you had the memories and the relationship with her that you did.
Ella and Aidan will have lots of memories, because you’ll share yours with them.
*hugs!*
Comment by Lindsay — December 11, 2007 @ 9:48 pm
Erin,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my first grandparent in Aug. 2006. It is a very difficult thing to go through. It sounds like you have so many wonderful memories of your Grandma. I hope that you can hold tight to those memories and your faith during this hard time. I will be praying for you and your family.
Comment by lil ole me — December 12, 2007 @ 2:52 pm
Erin~
I am so so sorry. Your grandma is now in heaven running through the pearly gates with her children. I hope that image can bring you some comfort during this hard time.
You will be in my thoughts. ((hugs))
Comment by Alexis — December 12, 2007 @ 4:35 pm
My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I’m sorry for your loss.
Comment by Nadine — December 13, 2007 @ 2:33 am
Thinking of you girl.
Love you!
Comment by Louise — December 13, 2007 @ 9:30 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your post was beautifully written, and a wonderful tribute to her.
Comment by Autumn — December 13, 2007 @ 12:57 pm
Erin, so sorry for your loss. My prayers for you and your family.
hugs,
Mel
Comment by Mel — December 14, 2007 @ 1:29 am
Oh Erin, I’m so sorry. What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful woman.
Comment by Becky — December 14, 2007 @ 7:46 am
oh erin, i’m so sorry…what a beautiful tribute to you grandma. i have tears in my eyes, but it know yours will continue for much longer… thinking of you.oxox
Comment by es — December 16, 2007 @ 2:31 pm
Erin,
Carry those memories with you forever, as I know you will. One day we’ll see our loved ones again. I look forward to that. Sometimes it’s this thought that keeps me going. I can’t wait to see my grandmother again. She was one of my best friends.
My thoughts have been with you and your family. I hope you are starting to heal.
Love you . . .
Comment by Val — December 28, 2007 @ 11:51 am