Reflection
The last month has been one of personal struggle for me. It’s been stressful. Probably one of the hardest months that I have faced in a lot of years (in regards to my own personal head space). I’ve seen myself in a new light. I’ve seen ugliness and loneliness, vulnerability and fear. There’s been a dose of self-loathing, some guilt and quite a bit of panic at the revelations. The issues I’m working through aren’t new, it’s stuff I’ve been sitting on for years, but have never been brave enough to face or call out.
Now I’m not saying that I have been unhappy all these years or living in denial. I just chose not to face the monster under my bed because frankly, I’m still afraid of monsters. I pulled the blanket over my head so that I was cozy in my little cocoon knowing that in just a few more hours the sun would be out again and I’d be able to relax.
There comes a time when the monster must be ousted out of hiding and dealt with face-to-face. I haven’t beaten him…I still don’t know when or how that will happen or even if it will. It’s going to be an interesting journey, that’s for sure.
But in the midst of the turmoil in my head and heart, apparently goodness surrounds me. Always. In the middle of it all I couldn’t see it, but looking back at the pictures of the last month I realize that God sent a balm to my spirit in the form of my little girls. Their lovely little spirits shine brightly and remind me that life is precious. They are precious. Unfortunately, they are probably the ones who suffered most from my angst and it was by far one of the hardest months for me as a mother. That being said, it is them who have kept me going forward and hoping for better days.
**In case anyone is worrying, these are not mental health issues or depression or anything dangerous to myself or anyone else out there, just some personal things I’m working through**
Here are 2 digital scrapbooks (a new find for me) that show some of the goodness in my life right now : )Â In the first slideshow it gives the option to zoom in on each page…doing so will enable you to actually SEE the pictures and read the comments I’ve journaled on each page.
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| Make a Smilebox scrapbook |
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| Make a Smilebox scrapbook |
Erin – sending you BIG HUGS from PA!
May you find peace in conquering your monsters!
I am afraid of monsters, too. Have a few in my closet!
Here’s to YOU, friend!
Comment by Michelle — May 30, 2008 @ 12:12 am
those scrap pages are real cool
praying for you dear Erin
HUGS
Comment by jen — May 30, 2008 @ 2:20 am
I’m afraid of monsters too…..
Sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope things start getting brighter….I hear monsters don’t always like the bright light.
Comment by JaimeM — May 30, 2008 @ 2:53 am
Hang in there Erin. Sometimes the thought of facing the monster is scarier than the monster itself.
hugs
Comment by joanne at frutto della passione — May 30, 2008 @ 3:31 am
Hugs girl!
Love the scrapbook pages, very cute!
You know I am always here to talk!!
Love ya!
Comment by Louise — May 30, 2008 @ 6:47 am
love you erin. sending you a big hug with all my heart. xoxo
Comment by Ruth — May 30, 2008 @ 8:40 am
Just catching up Erin. Love the pics, your deck is absolutely gorgeous and those cocktail glasses are fab. Sorry you’ve had a rough month but you’re right, when you’re low or life feels hard work cuddles from your little monkeys definitely make all the difference.
Comment by Jo Beaufoix — May 30, 2008 @ 9:23 am
Thank heaven for those happy moments that pull us through the dark times. ~Hugs~
Comment by Kimberly — May 30, 2008 @ 3:32 pm
Here’s to slaying monsters. I totally understand and there comes a time to take that monster by the throat and kick butt. I’ve been doing that lately. I will keep you in prayer.
The scrapbooks were lovely. You did a great job.
Comment by Nadine — May 31, 2008 @ 12:01 am
I’m home, as I said in the other one, and tonight I’m dedicating myself to an email to my dearest
Comment by Val — June 3, 2008 @ 5:45 pm