Without a Trace
I awoke from my months long emotional/physical stupor to realize that while I was *away* my bum went missing. I think perhaps it’s been gone too long to put out a missing person report. Can one report missing parts of one’s anatomy? Oh, okay. Um, well, I guess I’ll have to figure something else out ’cause frankly, it’s just wrong, all this walking around with no bum. Technically it’s a miracle I’m walking AT ALL since I think a large role of the gluteus maximus is to propel humans on their feet from point a to point b. Really, I’m a walking miracle.
See? Disturbing, isn’t it?
Apparently I had the frame of mind during my mental absence (can you have a “frame” of mind if you are mentally absent? Things that make you go “hmmm”) to cut my hair, but not find my bum, because shorter hair will get me far in life. I’m actually truly surprised that I’ve been physically able to sit and do nothing for all these months because sitting can be a real challenge with no hiney. Extremely difficult.
And now I will be getting off my area “formerly-known-as-bum” and I will hie myself away at once for a jog to relocate missing nether regions in hopes of at least making contact and reestablishing good relations, all this with high hopes of retaining it in a more permanent position of employment.
**edited to add: I actually cropped my bum out of that picture…I do have a little more than is depicted. But not much. Must defend what there is.
hey girl!!!
Ill give you some of mine
shall I???
Comment by jen — August 19, 2008 @ 9:40 pm
That’s hilarious Erin!
Comment by Jen H. — August 19, 2008 @ 11:44 pm
It’s not here in Ontario; your bum!!!!
Comment by Carol VR — August 20, 2008 @ 4:58 am
I think I may have found part of your bum over here. It’s taken residence on my back side. Yikes!
The gym is calling again today and I’m totally resisting. My current excuse: Too many green beans to freeze tonight.
Clearly, now that I’ve posted this comment I have to go or I’ll look like a complete loser. Accountability really does work, I guess. I’ll be your accountability partner if you’ll be mine.
Comment by Ami at Writing: My Life — August 20, 2008 @ 10:38 am
I think I may have a good lead on your bum….hold on while I look behind me! Yep, there it is and amazingly enough some of it ran around to my tummy too! I’ll be happy to return it if I can find a way to pry it off! Nice to meet you!
Comment by Nancy — August 20, 2008 @ 12:47 pm
I am so o catch up lovely. I’m ready for a good read, and that so started me with a giggle.
I once wrote a poem about my friend Tony who hasn’t got a bottom.
Comment by Jo Beaufoix — August 20, 2008 @ 5:32 pm
Glad you added that part about you cropping a bit out because I was going to offer to go in for a gluteus maximus-ectomy if it meant you got a little more and I got a little less
That’s what blog friends are for doncha know! I’m glad to hear that your need is not dire - though that does mean that my need to get to the gym is. Ugh.
Comment by Nicole — August 20, 2008 @ 6:01 pm
dude, you photoshopped your butt? that’s hilarious. i think i love you. i’m putting you in my reader as “girl who photoshopped her butt”
Comment by holly — August 20, 2008 @ 6:26 pm
oh no. i’ll let you know if i see it wandering around in the north end.
Comment by Ruth — August 22, 2008 @ 1:50 pm
Um… I could stand to get rid of my bum. I wouldn’t cry if I woke up one day and realized it was gone. No, I wouldn’t cry at all.
(hilarious, by the way!)
Comment by Brillig — August 25, 2008 @ 1:20 am
you definitely have a bum cuz I’ve seen it. And note to file, Val has less bum that Erin does
Comment by Val — October 13, 2008 @ 6:36 pm