Fully Alive…Ready to Smile

***Okay, I’ve hopefully fixed the ability to see the video…because what good is SEEING what I’m saying if you can’t view the video?!  If the video still isn’t working, try this link to go to the video on YouTube.***
Linda over at 2nd Cup of Coffee is hosting this carnival so that bloggers everywhere can be seen in their natural habitat…in real life…heard…whatever.  You know what I’m saying.  Now you can SEE what I’m saying.  You can see me saying…stuff.  It really gets quite deep.  I get into thoughts on socks.  Yup.  Socks.  Deep, deep, deep.  Okay, not deep.  Just a slip of the tongue which makes me look quite dense, actually.When I first decided to do this video I was thinking of doing a song and dance.  There was even a cowboy hat involved.  Then I thought perhaps I would learn how to do Origami (Ha!  You probably all did a double take when you read that word, didn’t you?  I know I did when I reread this post, that word just, um, yeah) and do a teaching video (somehow that just seems creepy now…).  But it just never happened (likely a good thing).  Instead, you are stuck with me talking useless drivel.  This is my first attempt at a video blog post and it’s a SAD attempt at best.  I have to apologize for my lack of eye contact and rather crazy facial expressions…although, that’s probably how I look all the time, which makes me a little worried about what the people who know me think about me.  I only say “awkward” 3 or 4 times in the video, so it can’t be TOO bad : )  And whoever said that the camera adds 10 pounds, do you know if it adds poundage to your lips?  Or are my lips really that HUGE?!  Wow!  When I talk they seem to have a life of their own.  I think perhaps I get a double chin because my lips weigh my face down : )  Okay, now you can go and laugh at me.  I give you permission.

_{**disclaimer:  I’m not actually a ditz IRL, just so y’all know.  I was nervous.  Okay.  Go.}

 

My lovely cousin Leesh (Alecia), and I were super excited to be front and center for the Reba and Kelly concert this past Thursday.  We were in the 6th row, which is the best seat I’ve ever had at a concert and it will just never do to have seats anywhere else ever again!  Wow.  It’s so incredible to be so close to the stage that you can actually make eye contact ( I SWEAR they looked at me!) and see every little nuance on their faces and expressions.  It’s awesome.  My camera broke a few days before and so I don’t have any of my own pictures, but Leesh took some and if she sends them to me I’ll post some.

The show started off on the right note with an absolutely fabulous and hilarious act.  Melissa Peterson (Barbara Jean) from the t.v. show “Reba” did her comedy routine to open up the show and I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a very.long.time!!!  I was crying.  My cheeks hurt so much that my face actually froze into a permanent smile for the rest of the evening.  I wish I could find a Youtube video of her opening act, but alas, it seems to not be out there.  You’ll just have to believe me when I say I was doubled over and I couldn’t catch my breath : )

The concert itself was spectacular.  I’ve never been a Reba fan, in that I’ve never really listened to her music since I don’t proclaim to be a country music listener.  After that concert I have a new appreciation for her talent.  Both women are so humble, so amazingly talented and just an absolute joy to watch perform.  They did the whole set as a duet, first singing one of Reba’s songs and then one of Kelly’s.  It was such a unique set up that it made it even more fun to watch.

And then Melissa Peterson came out again to “surprise” Reba.  Seriously, two words…FUN. NY.  If you’ve ever been a fan of the t.v. show, you’ll understand the dynamic between Reba and her.  Reba really plays the annoyed, less than amused part even at the concert, which makes it all the more hilarious.  There is a joke in this clip that you might not understand unless you are from around here.  At around the 53 second mark she talks about being in town auditioning at “Teasers” which is a local strip joint : )

If you look at her closely you can see that she’s wearing a t-shirt with Kelly Clarkson’s face on the front and she uses it in her act.  Towards the end of the skit she is talking to one of the band members (who you can’t see in the frame) and says “if I squint my eyes, you look a little like Antonio Banderas!”  Too funny!

If you have 7 and a half minutes to spare, watch the video.

Have you ever kept a journal or diary?  That was a staple in my life when I was a preteen and then again later in my teen years while going through the turmoil of boy issues.  There was something so cathartic about pouring my heart onto paper.  Part of the love of it was having a pretty journal.  Somehow the thoughts always flowed easier when it was into a lovely little book.  And the secrecy that surrounded it made it so special.  It was hidden and locked.  I was able to write down anything and not fear judgment or censorship.  It didn’t mock me for some silly notion or tell my I was crazy (even though I’m sure I often was).

Somehow the act of writing down what was in my head and heart calmed the often nervous tension that built up in me from insecurities, unrequited “love,” questions about who I was and other day to day drama.  And goodness, there was always a lot of drama.

Then I grew up.  I became too “old” to keep a journal and it seemed so juvenile.  Things in my world worked out how I had “planned” and the turmoil in my life disappeared.  I no longer had use for the trusty pen and journal,  so I put aside my childish ways.  For 9 years I didn’t recorded my deepest thoughts and inner most desires.  I didn’t put words to my fears or uncertainties.  The thought never really crossed my mind.

Until about a year ago.  I started dealing with some issues that had been laying dormant for a few years and when they reared their ugly head I wasn’t quite sure how to cope.  Suddenly I had these thoughts running around and around in my mind incessantly.  I couldn’t fall asleep.  I would wake up once i finally did fall asleep and start thinking again.  The thoughts would take over and normal, mundane chores and activities seemed like too much work because I couldn’t stop my overactive, overtired brain.

It came to me one evening after a particularly hard day and a stilted conversation with my husband that I realized how much I didn’t feel able to express to him not because I couldn’t form a coherent thought, but rather I didn’t want to tell him.  It was too private.  It was between me, myself and God.  That’s when I decided to bring back the journal.  It started off being very occasional.  Just when I had a very hard day did I document the thoughts and feelings.  It gave me almost instant relief.  After a few months it became more regular.  Once a week.  And then a few times a week and more recently it’s almost daily that I write down what’s on my mind.

The very act of freeing the thoughts from my mind and putting them into tangible, written word has given me the ability to reclaim my brain space.  It’s as though by writing it down, it takes it from my head and locks it into the book.  Then it no longer controls me, I control it.  I can choose when I want to revisit that particular thought.  I don’t mull things over and over and rehash things until they are beaten beyond recognition.  I just write it down and go on with my day.  It’s incredible the weight that it has lifted off my shoulders and the peace I have regained.  It doesn’t necessarily solve the issues, but it gives me the clarity to work them through in a more precise manner.

Someone asked me the other day if it worries me that my husband might one day read it, if that fear stops me from writing honestly.  I don’t worry about that.  It is a very private book for me.  It has things in it that are meant for no one but me and God.  My husband knows that.  He respects that.  I know the boundaries are very clear and I don’t have to hide it or feel the need to censor my writing.  And it feels so good.

Did you keep a diary when you were younger?  Do you still?  What’s the purpose of it?

My blog’s anniversary came and went without too much hooplah.  Probably because I’m busy trying to organize my own hooplah!!  It’s my birthday in 18 days and I’m having a little party.  Wanna come?  It’s going to be fun.  I promise.  There will be costumes, and food, maybe some craziness (that’s usually guaranteed if I’m in the room), a game or two, and perhaps some prizes for the best costumes.  I’ve finally decided on hosting a party in our house and making everyone who is invited dress up in a costume.  I’ve heard a little bit of grumbling from some friends who I won’t name Shelley and Louise about having to wear a costume, but I’m hoping that my charm and loveliness will win them over to participate and join in the fun for me because they love me so much : )

So now the question that is brought to mind…WHAT do I wear?  I’ve found a few fun ideas:

Pebbles from the Flinstones (isn’t that wig adorable?)

or maybe Betty Boop (it also comes with the wig, but more than that, I wonder if it comes with the body?)…

or perhaps my favorite superhero as a little girl…Wonderwoman!  Of course the top on this costume would come to my armpits since my tatas are not that, um, perky! : )  I guess we all know why she’s a “wonder.”  Somehow I don’t think I’d invoke the kind of awe that she always did, lol.  But it’s a fun costume nonetheless.

I have come to a few conclusions while looking at costumes online:

• All women in these costumes are skinny little bone racks
• All women in these costumes are skinny little bone racks with nice tatas
• All women in these costumes are skinny little bone racks with nice tatas and legs up to their nice tatas
• All costumes on said women are short, tight fitting and low cut to better enhance all of the aformentioned traits
• I.Do.Not.Look.Like.That!!!
• Perhaps Louise’s idea of wearing a white sheet and coming as a ghost is not such a bad idea.
• That or I’m getting me a figure enhancing, tummy sucking in, tata lifting body suit so that I can pretend I look like that!

On that note, I spent all day yesterday cooking and baking with Shelley.  We decided to make food for freezing cause we’re cool like that.  We made 4 lasagnes, 11 dozen meatballs, 10 dozen mini banana choc. chip muffins, 14 tins of spinach and artichoke dip, about 200 monster cookies (we’re talking 13 cups of oats and 4 1/2 cups of peanut butter in that recipe!), approx. 100 bacon cheeseburger pockets, and the 80 of the yummiest most scrumptious lemon crunch muffins you have ever tasted.  All while being awesome moms to 4 children.  Yeah, I’m totally getting the Wonderwoman costume!

In the last few days on top of our jogging, Shelley and I have been using her Wii Fit.  Now, can I just say that I want one?  Good.  I want one.  After wanting to smack it for showing my weight on the screen (and I’m assuming that like my scale a week ago, the Wii scale is also broken), I actually quite enjoyed it.  When I first had my body test done my Wii Fit Age (based on height, age, weight, center of balance, and some other minor tests) was 39 years.  Hmmm.  I got to skip the whole turning 30 freak out and head straight for my 40’s!  A little perturbed by that, I did 30 minutes of exercising on the Wii Fit and then retested.  I was sure that 30 minutes could change something.  And it did.  I lost 0.2 pounds (ya!) and my BMI went from 24.9 to 24.88 (ha!).

Then yesterday after all our baking (of which I didn’t do a lot of taste testing) I did the Body Test again and I had lost another 1.3 pounds, my BMI went down to 24.6 AND my Wii age was 29.  That’s a little more like it.  I decided that even though I didn’t feel like it, I would go for a jog this evening and I have to brag just a little, I made it almost 2 1/2 miles.  Then I stopped in at Shelley’s to “weigh in” and I’d lost another 1.5 pounds.  I had made a 14 pound weight loss goal for the next 2 months and I’m happy to say that I’ve accomplished almost 3 pounds in 3 days.  I guess we’ll see if I can keep on a downward decent with the weight.  Wish me luck.  I have to fit into a little costume in less than 3 weeks : )

…to me!  It’s my blog’s 2 year anniversary and I couldn’t let the day pass without mentioning that.  Hopefully I’ll be around soon with more, um, interesting stuff.  Life is just a little crazy right now.  So thank you all who visit and comment.  Without you my blog would probably have died a long time ago : )

I had my first official morning to myself with both my girls being in school!  ACK!  I can’t believe we are there already.  My baby was so proud as she put on her school bag this morning and waited by the front door.  It was a big moment for her.  She’s been watching her big sister go to school these last two years, and waiting her turn with a little impatience.  Even as we walked Ella to the school bus this morning Aidan was saying, “Mommy, I want to go to school NOW!”

I spent my precious 2 1/2 hours with a client helping her pick paint colors for her new house.  It was the perfect way to spend the time, really.  No kids to have to find a babysitter for or having them with me, interrupting.  I could focus and just do what I love doing.  I was very happy with how it turned out, too.

Here’s some pictures of Aidan’s big morning…

Putting her jacket and school bag away on her hook…

and finding her cubby for her shoes and snack bag.

And a little piece of my heart stays behind with them.

*****

In other news, we had to get our house ready for a showing this weekend so I used that as an excuse to FINALLY finish my ensuite bathroom (in terms of decor) and get the girls rooms nearer to completion.  Here’s some pictures of the updates I did.

Aidie-bug finally got some stuff on her walls and a night stand.  Her room was really empty until now.  She is so thrilled.

She picked the Cinderella picture to hang above her dresser.  How could I say no?  It was adorable (and had the right colors in it).   It can be no fun having an interior decorator for a mommy when it comes to picking stuff for them since it all has to look good.  : ) Luckily for her it worked out in her favor this time.

I finally found a picture to put above Ella’s bed.  I couldn’t believe how well it worked with her bedding.

Before we even moved into our house I found a beautiful ballerina statue and letters that said “dance” but never put them up, cause I’m lazy like that!  I finally did put them up and hung the cute little shadow boxes I made a few weeks back.  I also found a nice pink mirror at Walmart for $5.00.  Can’t beat that kind of price!

I had never put any color or decorations into our ensuite bathroom, so I decided to pull the red from my picture in our bedroom into the bathroom.  I got new towels and a gorgeous fake orchid for the counter.

I found these pictures at Superstore and I fell in love with them.  They were $17 each and were the perfect shades of red and pink to work with the towels.

I had never posted a picture after we had our mantle put up so here it is in all it’s loveliness.  I bought the white square vase and grass to fill the space and give some height.

Here’s just a different view and it shows my nice newly painted door.  It only took me 6 months to get the insides of my exterior doors painted : )

Jer finally got our backsplash finished.  It really completes the kitchen.

And here’s a view of the other side

And in a few short weeks we get to start all over!  I keep wondering if I can do as good or better in the next house, cause I really like this one!

I’m sitting here, watching the minutes tick by as I keep doing “one more thing.”  I should be in bed.  I haven’t slept in 3 days.  I’m so tired.  You know what sucks the most?  Finally falling asleep at 7:00 a.m. and having the deepest sleep you’ve had all night only to wake up at 7:10 a.m. because you have to get up and get the kids ready for school.  I even had a full on dream in those 10 minutes!  Grrr…

Where was I?  I went for my CranioSacral/Myo Fascial massage today.  It was intense.  It’s different than your traditional massage.  I didn’t know what to expect, so I wasn’t surprised by anything…except perhaps the placement of hands in places that, ahem, were kind of close to, well you know, places.  It appears the Sacrum is “low, low, low” on the back.  Other than that, fabulous.  I will definitely go again.  I could already see the physical effects of it directly after the massage just by looking in the mirror.  My whole right side of my body was in a weird slumped position before and after it was all more aligned and upright.  Very good.

I realized I haven’t mentioned anything about the fact that (and excuse my yelling) IT ‘S MY BIRTHDAY IN ONE MONTH FROM TOMORROW!!!  Happy sigh.  For those of you just joining my blog mid year, my birthday is a national holiday in the making.  Actually it IS a holiday (although only here in Canada, but whatevs) since it’s on Thanksgiving weekend.  Every few years it ends up on Thanksgiving Day.  And everyone can be thankful that I’m here : )  I need some great ideas for a birthday party.  I’m not sure if we should go for supper and then come back here for dessert like last year.  Or maybe have the whole evening here.  Ooh, maybe a murder mystery night.  Or a theme night.  Or maybe we should go bowling.  The options are endless.  I sound like I’m 12 again.  I just love me a good party.

Also lost on the radar is the fact that in 3 weeks from today I am joining 3 lovely ladies on a road trip to St. Louis to go to the Joyce Meyers convention!  How exciting is that?  I get to cross another thing off of my 1001 things to do in 101 days list since I will be taking a road trip with friends into the U.S.  Awesome!

I was going to write something of substance and not just another update post, but I can’t think clearly right now.  Doctor’s orders were to go have a hot bath before bed.  So here I go!

And thank you all for the pity comments you give me when I write crap like this just to fill space on the interweb.  Makes me feel so loved : )  One day I will have something awesome to report.

P.S. I just have to add how super duper (super trouper) excited I am that ABBA Singstar is being released at Christmas!!!  I’m so excited I think I’m going to pee (just kidding) (about the peeing not the excitement levels).

Ten what…I don’t know, things that are in my head today (and this post has taken me 9 1/2 hours to write…see #10).

1.  My little girl started Kindergarten yesterday!  I cannot believe it.  Here she is today marching excitedly to wait for the bus for the very first time (we had to drive them yesterday)…

She could hardly stand still as she waited.  She was just glowing!

I was a little misty eyed as I watched her go up the steps and not even turn around to look at me.  Sigh.  The independence is just blooming in that child and I’m not sure if I’m prepared : )

At least she thought to look and wave after she found her seat.

2. We are frantically trying to get our house in “for sale” mode.  We’ve had the taper in to fix up some “less than perfection” on the ceiling and now I have to HOPEFULLY not repaint my whole ceiling.  We’ll see when the paint dries.  I’m not holding my breath.  That would make me very unhappy to have to do that.  Besides, I ran out of paint.  Ack!

3.  We actually already have 2 parties interested in seeing our house and it’s not even up for sale yet.  The first showing is on Saturday.  This is a good sign of things to come.  Bring it on!

4.  Yesterday we started cleaning up our basement and sorting through the HUGE pile of boxes that was once actually a pile, but has migrated.  All the stuff that we were NOT going to unpack, but…you know, “oh, which box is such-and-such in?” and then you open it up, rifle through it, find what you need and leave it opened with half the remaining contents spilling over (well, maybe YOU don’t, but I did).  Do that over and over and it’s a disaster area and a huge job to clean up and reorganize.

5.  On that note, I’ve decided to get rid of all our baby stuff.  That was a momentous decision.  And probably a bad one.  Isn’t that when someone usually gets pregnant (knock on wood, fingers crossed, prayers sent up to heaven and anything else that will keep me from getting pregnant right now, sorry Jer!).  I went through my girls’ baby clothing and pulled out the stuff I want to keep.  Talk about reminiscing!  If I ever get pregnant again (on purpose or by accident) I will buy new stuff.  I just can’t keep hauling it around from one house to the next.  It’s too much work!

6.  I think I’m getting a cold.  Ick!  I got 3 hours of sleep the night before last and 5 yesterday.  I’m tired.

7.  Ella had her first ballet class tonight.  Yay!  She was so darn cute in her little body suit and ballet slippers.

8.  I have started up jogging again.  And not by myself this time.  I know I posted about my run the other day and it felt so good to get out that I decided to get back into it regularly and I’ve dragged my darling friend Shelley along for the ride (run) kicking and screaming!  She is hilarious.  She agrees to be my jogging partner and then is incredulous when I say we are running in the rain.  If we gonna do it, we gonna DO IT!!!  And besides, it was misting, not really raining.  Felt really good, actually.

I am so impressed by her.  She has never really done the whole jogging out of doors thing (she’s a treadmiller) and by the second time out we made it 1.6 miles.  I know I could have said a mile and a half, but let’s face it people, 1.6 miles IS further than 1.5 and every.single.step.counts!!!  I don’t know yet if we have a goal, but we have decided to go out at least 4 times a week.  I’m not sure what we will do once the snow flies.  I guess we’ll see.

9.  I found my scale yesterday while repacking boxes in the basement and I decided to try it out.  BIG mistake!  Apparently there is something wrong with it and it’s not showing my true weight, ahem, and so I threw it out.  That’ll show it!  : )

10.  Now I’m drinking wine.  ‘Nuf said.

It is 10:41 and I have about six things started and nothing finished.  My head may actually fall off it’s swivel from dashing in many directions at the same time.  Why all the chaos?  Well, it has begun.  It appears my lazy months of summer are officially over!  Over, over, over.

Yes, the inevitable has crept up on me and school is upon us.  It scares me…having to be up at 7:30 every morning.  I know I’ll be okay, but it still makes me balk at the idea that someone else is now controlling my schedule.  Not that it would worry me enough to homeschool.  Uh, uh.  I admire all you moms who do homeschool, but this mommy is looking forward to those precious few hours of time to myself.  Call me selfish, I don’t care.  I think as a mom we earn that time!

(**See this is what I’m talking about, I get up to get a fly swatter to beat the tar out of the little bugger circling my head and I get into the kitchen and “OH, my pills, I forgot to take them with my breakfast speaking of which, why is that counter not wiped yet, I should do that.  Right, I was going to put those dishes in the dishwasher, too” and so on and so on.  No wonder I get nothing accomplished.**)

Secondly, I’m in a flurry because it’s September and September means getting ready to start our next house.  We made the nerve wracking trip to the bank yesterday to see if they would be able to (Oh, be right back…forgot a wet shirt in a lump in my bathroom sink that I was handwashing and it needs to be hung up…) advance us enough money to start building BEFORE we put our house up for sale so that we can get it close enough to completion and avoid another move in with mom and dad.  Not that I don’t appreciate all the generosity on my parents part in letting me and my brood bunk with them for 5 1/2 months the first time and 3 1/2 months the second time, but we’d love to avoid it again.  As I’m sure they would, too.

Happily the bank agreed to advance us enough to start, so as soon as our lot is ready (maybe in a month) we will be digging our basement and starting over.  This means that the next month will be filled with lining up trades, picking selections (oh, goody), organizing and getting this house ready to sell.  To make matters a little more hectic, Jer’s boss, who is also a real estate agent and will be selling our house, said that we should keep our house in showable condition because even though it’s not on the market yet, he’s going to keep it in the back of his head if he comes across someone who wants a December/January possession.  Translation?  I have to keep my house clean.  Always.  He said to expect short notice drop ins.  Yay!  (thick with sarcasm)

AND on top of all that, said boss approached me yesterday to decorate their display home across the street.  This means I get to go shop for appliances, furniture, and accessories on someone else’s dime : )  That makes me inordinately happy.  The catch?  Oh, he won’t be ready for me until next week sometime.  NEXT WEEK?!?  Oh, no problem, that’s plenty of time to come up with a complete plan and shop for everything and put it in there!  Again, heavy with the sarcasm.  These things take time!  Time!  Of which I suddenly seem to have a shortage of to get everything done.

So why exactly am I sitting here writing when I could be organizing, cleaning, shopping, planning, decorating or rocking and humming?  Good question.  Perhaps just to give you all the heads up that I may be missing for a while.  If you are looking for me, that’s where I’ll be.

This morning I decided to be really energetic and go for a jog…I know, what was I on, right?  Well it IS Labor Day.  And I can’t just sit on my butt all day like I did yesterday : )

So I’m out there jogging, pushing myself.  It’s been months, well pretty much since last year that I really jogged for serious.  Last year I was so dedicated, I pushed, I learned, I succeeded.  This year?  Meh, kind of slack.  Everything’s been kind of slack, really.  I can’t say 2008 has been my best and yet there are moments and hours and days that WERE the best.

I hit my wall very early in my run, like 2 songs in (that’s how I measure my distance…actually I measure a lot of things in my life by music) and I was tempted like every other time that I’ve gone for a jog this year to just stop at the same place and walk the rest of the way.  But I didn’t.  I made up my mind to keep going.  I was burning, I was sweating and suddenly I was past the hard part and I was flying again.  Inevitably I knew I would hit another wall in a few minutes, but I enjoyed those few minutes of what seems like the most free feeling in the world and I didn’t think about what was coming.

Eventually I got to the point that I knew my body would collapse if I kept going so I slowed down.  But I DIDN’T stop.  I walked until I felt reprieve and then I started running again.  This time I ran into the newest part of our development and it was just me and the road and the sky and the air.

Finally I came to a stop on our newest lot (yes we are building a new house again soon) and looked out over the water.  I started thinking about my run in relation to my life…especially lately.  I haven’t been running.  Mostly I’ve been walking…s.l.o.w.l.y. or coming to a complete standstill.  Instead of pushing myself, I keep just making excuses and giving up.  It’s pathetic really.  It’s very, very easy to keep up a lack of momentum.  No strain there!

But that’s not what life is about.  It’s about pushing past the cramps and the walls and achy parts.  It’s pushing until you are flying again and you feel like you could go forever.  It’s about enjoying the present moment instead of the fact that there will be hard times.  Let’s face it, there will always be hard times.

It’s taking friends running with you so that you have someone to talk to, someone to push you past your limits.  It’s having people there for you when you finally do run out of steam and collapse to the ground.  The people who cheer you on to finish your race, to reach your potential or just plain drag you across the finish line so you can start a new race.

And you know, even though I was running alone today in the physical, I was thinking about all the people who are on the sidelines cheering me on in my life.  The people who want me to be my best and who are holding my hands when I don’t want to keep running.  The people who are running beside me even when I’m choosing the path less traveled or the steep upward climb rather than the nice level road.  The friends who have been down my particular route before and can help me traverse it rather than leaving me to blindly fumble on my own.  I was thinking about the friends who I’m running beside while they run over their own rocky terrain and knowing that I’m their cheering squad.

None of us can run this alone.  But we HAVE to keep running.  Because if you are sitting still…you’re not going anywhere and nothing changes.