posted by erin on Sep 25
Have you ever kept a journal or diary? That was a staple in my life when I was a preteen and then again later in my teen years while going through the turmoil of boy issues. There was something so cathartic about pouring my heart onto paper. Part of the love of it was having a pretty journal. Somehow the thoughts always flowed easier when it was into a lovely little book. And the secrecy that surrounded it made it so special. It was hidden and locked. I was able to write down anything and not fear judgment or censorship. It didn’t mock me for some silly notion or tell my I was crazy (even though I’m sure I often was).
Somehow the act of writing down what was in my head and heart calmed the often nervous tension that built up in me from insecurities, unrequited “love,” questions about who I was and other day to day drama. And goodness, there was always a lot of drama.
Then I grew up. I became too “old” to keep a journal and it seemed so juvenile. Things in my world worked out how I had “planned” and the turmoil in my life disappeared. I no longer had use for the trusty pen and journal, so I put aside my childish ways. For 9 years I didn’t recorded my deepest thoughts and inner most desires. I didn’t put words to my fears or uncertainties. The thought never really crossed my mind.
Until about a year ago. I started dealing with some issues that had been laying dormant for a few years and when they reared their ugly head I wasn’t quite sure how to cope. Suddenly I had these thoughts running around and around in my mind incessantly. I couldn’t fall asleep. I would wake up once i finally did fall asleep and start thinking again. The thoughts would take over and normal, mundane chores and activities seemed like too much work because I couldn’t stop my overactive, overtired brain.
It came to me one evening after a particularly hard day and a stilted conversation with my husband that I realized how much I didn’t feel able to express to him not because I couldn’t form a coherent thought, but rather I didn’t want to tell him. It was too private. It was between me, myself and God. That’s when I decided to bring back the journal. It started off being very occasional. Just when I had a very hard day did I document the thoughts and feelings. It gave me almost instant relief. After a few months it became more regular. Once a week. And then a few times a week and more recently it’s almost daily that I write down what’s on my mind.
The very act of freeing the thoughts from my mind and putting them into tangible, written word has given me the ability to reclaim my brain space. It’s as though by writing it down, it takes it from my head and locks it into the book. Then it no longer controls me, I control it. I can choose when I want to revisit that particular thought. I don’t mull things over and over and rehash things until they are beaten beyond recognition. I just write it down and go on with my day. It’s incredible the weight that it has lifted off my shoulders and the peace I have regained. It doesn’t necessarily solve the issues, but it gives me the clarity to work them through in a more precise manner.
Someone asked me the other day if it worries me that my husband might one day read it, if that fear stops me from writing honestly. I don’t worry about that. It is a very private book for me. It has things in it that are meant for no one but me and God. My husband knows that. He respects that. I know the boundaries are very clear and I don’t have to hide it or feel the need to censor my writing. And it feels so good.
Did you keep a diary when you were younger? Do you still? What’s the purpose of it?
September 25th, 2008 at 11:57 am
I never really kept a diary but I see my blog a little like that now. I do have moments when I splurge stuff down on paper to get it out of my head and that really helps. And yay on the exercise. I need to do that too.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I think I need to start this again…the only problem is that I am leery of writing things down (even on my computer) because I don’t want them to fall into the wrong hands.
I also would love to hear what you think on my blog subject today. Head on over!
September 25th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I did have a diary in the pre-teen years and then it morphed more into a journal in high school years and a little beyond that. Now, I mainly have my prayer journal.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
I kept a diary off and on during my middle and high school years (I still have them). I was never very good at writing in them daily, and I went through phases with it.
It’s funny you posted on this subject this week. I just went to a journaling workshop for writers, and realized that my resistance to journaling now has to do with the fact that I always felt like it was something I had to do in a certain way every single day. That workshop helped me see that journaling can be whatever I want it to be and I can do it however frequently or infrequently I need or want to do it.
Great post!
September 25th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I wrote diary as a preteen for some years
now i use as my blog as a diary
September 25th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
You know, despite my love of writing I’ve never kept a journal. Too lazy. Thank goodness for blogging or there would be no written record of my life. Kind of sad, eh?
September 26th, 2008 at 1:18 am
I did keep one when I was younger. It helped me also to clear my mind.
I don’t keep one now.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:09 am
For years I kept a “Thankful Book” journal, where I wrote things I was thankful for each day. It helped me keep things in perspective:)
September 26th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I had a diary in my young teens and also a thankful book. I use my blog to write down my thoughts, although not all my thoughts nor my deepest ones most days. I also have a journal I use as I study the Bible.
September 26th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
i used too…..
i went back and reread a entry i wrote when i was in grade 5. it went something like this, “today my cat died. i don’t know if i can go on…”
September 26th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I journalled until my brother found it
During the last seven or eight years, I’ve blogged instead. I’ll still write stuff down every once in a while when it’s not really appropriate to be sharing with the world… But it’s nice to document my daily STUFF the way you can on a blog – and attach pictures and videos to it.
September 26th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
i kept a journal when i was in grade school. but now i guess i use my blog as my outlet now.
sometimes i just talk to myself while i’m driving back and forth to work.
i seem to feel better when i say it out loud. even if it turns out i’m only talking to the cats
September 27th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
I keep a prayer journal.
I was at a women’s conference a few years ago and the speaker said that her father kept a prayer journal every day for most of his adult life. She said it was such an amazing legacy to leave his family when he passed away… journals and journals of his prayers to God.
It inspired me to start my own. I don’t write every day, but I am somewhere in the middle of my second journal.
I really like being able to go back and remind myself of how many prayers God has answered and how faithful he is.
September 28th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
I have kept a diary from time to time and I still write down my thoughts when needed. I have noticed that by the time I have writen out my problems I have a conclusion. I think my husband likes it too, because he doesn’t have to sit up till 2 at night listening to my problems. And when I did that, my problems seemed worse because I got so wound up because he didn’t understand. lol… It’s really great for our marriage.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:28 am
I kept a journal for a bit in my teens and then for about a year when I was on an exchange program in Europe in my early 20′s. It was, as you said, freeing in that I could write down my thoughts, concerns, etc. and not think about them. It was actually partly a prayer journal, partly a journal of my thoughts and experiences. I find that I’m so busy now with our baby that I don’t feel like I have time.. but reading your blog has inspired me to begin journalling again
Thanks Erin =)
October 13th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I have always kept diaries. I still have my first diary from when I was 8. I still have diaries but don’t write in them regularly at all. Last time I regularly wrote in one was when Noah was in my tummy when I was pregnant with him and then for his first year of life. Now I write very little. I should. But now my documenting has been more in pictures…. I’m okay with that…. One day I’m sure I’ll write more again.