Fully Alive…Ready to Smile

posted by erin on Nov 23

Still waiting for a few, but here are most of the Mad Libs I have for you reading pleasure.  I typed them really fast, so I apologize for any typing errors.  I haven’t had a chance to reread them

DESCRIPTION OF THE LOVELY GROUP THAT I AM IN

by Carol VR

We are having a perfectly FABULOUS time this evening in the SLINKY home of FIONA.  The rooms are decorated CUNNINGLY with many stylish DISHES that must have cost at least SIX dollars.  The guests are all LEATHERY conversationalists and are all PROVACATIVELY dressed.  DAYNE has been entertaining us by telling about the time he showed his SMOOTH JAR to TALIA, who mistook it for an early American SOAP.  The refreshements are BUBBLY and the idea of serving PERFUME on the rocks showed SWEET imagination.  Visiting here is always a STICKY experience.

QUICK QUIZ

by Elin

Who am I?  I am a STRIPED Canadian.  I was born 13 years ago in BANGKOK.  When my father first saw me he said, “GROOVY!”  I am 26 feet tall, have LOOSE-KNIT brown eyes, and a SOFT-BOILED complexion.  My hobby is collecting STREET LAMPS.  I always speak FURIOUSLY and I have made several STUBBORN motion pictures.  I am married to ERIN, the well known Hollywood FLOOR.  I have given away thousands of WALLS to charity.  My most prominent physical characteristics are my POLISHED nose and my large CEILING.  Who am I?

 Answer: I am JER. 

THE SPACE SHUTTLE

by Carla

In 1981, the U.S. launched the first real Space FERRET.  It was called a COUSIN Shuttle because it not only went up into UNATTRACTIVE space, it also came back.  It was named the “Columbia” and was piloted by two brave EGGS.  They had practiced FLIRTING for two years and were expert IMMIGRANTS.  The Colombia took off from PARIS using its powerful first stage PECANS.  At an altitude of COUNTLESS feet, it went into orbit around the GLOBE.  After THREE orbits, the Shuttle landed ENDEARINGLY at THE NORTH POLE.  It was a PREGNANT day for the U.S. Space Program.

NEWSPAPER ARTICLE

by Jen H

Mrs. Fifi Vanderbold, the HIDEOUS and SMALL heiress, has filed for divorce from her husband, Percy Vanderbold, the former FABULOUS SHOE of Harvard, class of ’38, now in the PURSE business.  Mrs. Vanderbold claimed that her husband had BOLDLY given her a CANDLE in the eye and had kicked her twice in the DESIGNER DRESS and the PANTIES.  Mr. Vanderbold, when asked to comment, said “ABSO-F***IN-LUTELY!  This is a SEXY lie.  I only pinched her in the COCKTAIL.”

 ADVICE TO PROSPECTIVE PARENTS

By Elleah

 Congratulations to all of you NOISY mothers and DRY fathers.  You are about to give birth to a PUFFED WHEAT.  Remember, a happy child comes from a happy TOILET.  Undoubtedly, the SHINY will cause many changes in your life.  You’ll have to get up at four a.m. to give the little WART it’s bottle of SQUISHY milk.  Later, when he’s 690 years old, he’ll learn to walk and you’ll hear the patter of little THISTLES around the house.  And in no time he’ll be talking BOUNCILY and calling you his “PENCIL” and “BABY.”  It’s no wonder they are called little bundles of TEETH. 

MY DREAM MAN

by Louise

My “Dream Man” should, first of all, be very BEAUTIFUL and ABRUPT.  He should have a physique like KENNY ROGER, a profile like DOLLY PARTON, and the intelligence of REX (Louise’s dog).  He must be polite and always remember to light my CLOSET, to tip his BATHROOM, and to take my PLUNGER when crossing the street.  He should move ABNORMALLY, should have a HIDEOUS voice, and should always dress QUIETLY.  I would also like him to be a PATTERNED dancer, and when we’re alone, he should whisper MUFFLED nothings in my HOME and hold my FADED FRIDGE.  I know a FUNNY man like this is hard to find.  In fact, the only one I can think of is LOUISE. 

HOW TO GO TO SLEEP

By Jenene

If you have trouble falling asleep, you probably have a WILLOWY mind.  You must learn to relax so you will have a TEENY-TINY mind.  First, drink a cup of hot LIGHTER FLUID and stretch out on a DEFECTIVE bed in a GRUMPY position.  Then, breathe AWKWARDLY and think about something beautiful such as LOPSIDED SNAILS.  Do not think about your NAUSEATING enemies.  Concentrate on someone restful, such as BERTHA, who will make your mind more PSYCHEDELIC.  Or count imaginary NOSE HAIRS jumping over a SABER SAW.  Follow these rules and you will fall into a SOGGY sleep the minute your LOBSTER hits the pillow. 

FABLE

by Beth

Once upon a time a SILLY BOOT expert named DANNY felt an ABSURD pain.  He sent for an INCONCLUSIVE surgeon who looked at his STATUESQUE stomach and said “BUHUH HUH HA! HAH HAH HAH HUH!”  Then he muttered MATTER OF FACTLY, “I see your trouble.  The NEBULA on your ORGANIC stomach is overlapping the ECHO next to your kidney.”  The surgeon LONG-WINDEDLY took him to the X-RATED operating room of the hospital.  There he made a QUIZZICAL incision reaching from the patient’s BOUQUET to his CENTRE.  ”YEEOWZAA!” said the surgeon.  ”That takes care of that ETHEREAL BOTTLE.”  With that, he began sewing up the incision.  However, on the tenth stitch the patient sneezed and almost pulled the HIGHLIGHTER out of the JURY, but the surgeon took one final stitch and saved the OCEAN.  Moral: An SMOKE ALARM in time saves nine.