Fully Alive…Ready to Smile

posted by erin on Nov 6

Okay, I had a few participants.  I laughed when I read the answers and groaned when I read the ones left by my cousin (a.k.a. Borat…which, consequently, I deleted since they were, ahem, a little riske, albeit funny).

So I will reproduce the story here with each of your answers…good thing that I don’t have hoards of readers who were all dying to leave me comments   Otherwise you’d be here for a while.  For the 5 of you who did, here they are (your answers in bold).

*the story is from a Mad Libs book.  I take no credit for it.

Beauty Advice by Svea

If your skin is fuxxy or luscious, you can cure this condition with the following care.  Every morning, before washing your granite, massage it gently with a nail that has been soaked in a toilet full of warm iced tea.  Then mix together some chicken curry and crepes until the mixture becomes delightful.  Pat this onto your gory complexion for five minutes.  Then remove, using a belt and wash your face with snotty water.  Do not omit this peculiar step or your skin will become exciting.  Do this stealthily every day and you will soon be as weird as Joe Fresh.

Awesome, no??  Hee, hee, toilet full of warm iced tea.  Okay, next…

 Beauty Advice by Jen

If your skin is beautiful or loving, you can cure this condition with the following care.  Every morning, before washing your bottle, massage it gently with a chicken that has been soaked in a flower pot full of warm G and T (gin and tonic).  Then mix together some  porridge and cauliflower until the mixture becomes silly.  Pat this onto your jolly complexion for five minutes.  Then remove, using a cellphone and wash your face with worried water.  Do not omit this amused step or your skin will become dangerous.  Do this accidentally every day and you will soon be as elated as Erin.

Ah, that was good, I particularly like the “remove using a cellphone.”

Beauty Advice by Elin

  If your skin is sweet or prickly, you can cure this condition with the following care.  Every morning, before washing your hayloft, massage it gently with a microwave that has been soaked in a suitcase full of warm Pepsi.  Then mix together some pizza and jelly beans until the mixture becomes indented.  Pat this onto your scrumptious complexion for five minutes.  Then remove, using a pan and wash your face with sharp water.  Do not omit this hot (hawt) step or your skin will become rough.  Do this furiously every day and you will soon be as foul as Bar*ak.

Some of you will think that final part is funny, other’s will not.  That’s just the way the words worked…not my creation.  Just sayin’, don’t throw anything at me.  Loved the suitcase full of pepsi! 

Beauty Advice by Elleah

If your skin is funky or smelly, you can cure this condition with the following care.  Every morning, before washing your poop, massage it gently with a flower that has been soaked in a pot full of warm milk.  Then mix together some squash and macaroni until the mixture becomes bouncy.  Pat this onto your slow complexion for five minutes.  Then remove, using an axe and wash your face with ugly water.  Do not omit this curly step or your skin will become confused.  Do this rapidly every day and you will soon be as gorgeous as Josh Groban.

*This is in fact, squash and macaroni!  Whether or not it will become bouncy remains to be seen!

And, ha, I’ll bet Josh Groban doesn’t wash his poop…

Finally,

Beauty Advice by Jenn

 If your skin is shiny or rough, you can cure this condition with the following care.  Every morning, before washing your kitchen, massage it gently with a doorknob that has been soaked in a vase full of warm Pepto Bismal.  Then mix together some hot dogs and plums until the mixture becomes pretty.  Pat this onto your crooked complexion for five minutes.  Then remove, using a teacher and wash your face with tall water.  Do not omit this heavy step or your skin will become delicious.  Do this carefully every day and you will soon be as slippery as Santa Claus.

*When I Googled “slippery Santa” this is what came up…looks good

You know, she may be onto something here.  Santa would NEVER get down the chimney if he wasn’t slippery, and I bet if he drank a few of those he wouldn’t care much!

There you have it.  Thank you for participating.  Perhaps we’ll do it again, and next time I’m going to give you each your own story.  That will be fun.