Some final thoughts…
The last day of the year deserves a post, no?! Â And It feels like a heavy one percolating in my head.
There has been a LOT on my plate in the past months. Â I thought about blogging many times, but I just didn’t have the desire to try and put my thoughts into words. Â I don’t know if blogging was only for a season for me and it has lost it’s pull. Â I hope that’s not the case. Â I think my head was crammed with so many things and my life being pulled in so many directions that blogging fell to the bottom of the priority list (even though I probably had more to blog about this year than most).
This year has flown by at an unbelievable pace. Â It feels like a bit of a blur. Â The anticipation of so many things, always waiting for the next thing to happen so that I can move onto the next. Â It leaves me feeling a little motion sick, if that makes any sense at all. Â There are moments I want to go back to and savor. Â There are other times I’m so happy for the speed with which they happened.
So today, December 31, 2009, I’m sitting here, in my new house, in the room that is slowly turning into my very own office, and I’m pondering what 2010 will hold for me. Â This past year held so many new things for me and I can’t even fathom where the paths will lead! Â It has me peering through the door with a bit of fear and trembling. Â Some giant steps need to be taken and I wonder if I have the fortitude to walk across the threshold…if I have the fortitude to press on.
Will doing reflexology as a part time career be a resounding success or a colossal flop? Â I feel the passion and excitement simmering just below the surface when I think about doing it, but at the same time, almost the bigger feeling is one of fear. Â Ugly, ugly fear. Â It has me stalling, worrying and wondering if I’m making a good decision. Â I don’t doubt that I love doing it. Â I don’t doubt that it works. Â I don’t even doubt that people enjoy it. Â I do, however doubt my ability to do it for money and make it work for me. Â I didn’t get into it because of the money and I fear that I will undervalue myself because I’m afraid that I’m not worth the price tag.
Will I take time to improve my skills in photography and pursue it more or will it, like so many of my hobbies be tossed aside? Â I LOVE the creative avenue taking pictures has opened up to me, but like decorating, as soon as people want me to do it for them, the pressure scares me and I don’t think I’m good enough.
(Anyone else seeing a theme in the last two paragraphs?! Â It seems that as soon as a dollar value is attached to something I love doing, I freeze up unable to proceed. Â The self-doubt takes hold, but I am DETERMINED to conquer that this year. Â I will do the things I love and if people will pay me for it then I will take that as a compliment rather than viewing it as pressure! Â Ha! Â Thanks for letting me do a bit of self talk here.)
Will my longest running phase of consistent fitness and health continue or is it destined to be just be a “phase?”  Oh, dear Lord, I pray not!!  I have managed to maintain my 12 pounds lost from the biggest loser competition I was in from June-September and when I weighed myself again this month to see where I was at, I was very pleasantly surprised to find that I had lost an additional 3 pounds.  Thank you, Jillian Michaels and Clean Eating magazine!  :)
And now that we’ve finally settled into our new house (and I’m kind of in love with it), will we sell it soon and build another one in the next few months, or will it sit on the market for a long period of time, forcing another growth in the patience department?
So 2010 feels big! Â Another huge thing is I’m turning 30 in October…and I want that to be a GOOD thing. Â I want it to be the start of the next stage of my life and not, as so many people feel, the end of something. Â I want it to be the year I really become the woman I’m supposed to be. Â To gain the confidence I need. Â To be passionate about the things that matter to me and pursue them…and more importantly SUCCEED!
Yes, lots of questions. Â Lots of unknowns. Â But also, I feel, lots of wonderful opportunities lay through that open door.
Now if someone could just stand behind me and kick my ass through it, I’d greatly appreciate it! Â :)
Happy New Year, interpeeps! Â May it be filled with tons of success and happiness! Â <3





