Fully Alive…Ready to Smile

posted by erin on Jan 30

I’m afraid to sneeze.  I’m afraid my nose will start running and I’ll be forced to sit there with a q-tip and a kleenex digging around trying to make myself comfortable.  I kind of, sort of, pierced my nose.  Well, not me myself, but a dude with lots of metal in his face.  It actually made me feel better seeing all those rings, tubes, bars and bulbs sticking out of his face.  At least I knew he knew what he was doing.  It took like 20 seconds and didn’t hurt at all.  There was a moment of increduality when he pushed the needle through.  What a weird feeling!!  So now I’ve done the thing I wanted to do when I was 16, but never did.  Twelve years too late to be considered rebellious and about 5 years too early to be a mid-life crisis.  I’m not sure what it is, but it’s great.  I love!! 

posted by erin on Jan 29

I decided to tan my pasty body before our holidays.  I’ve come to realize over the years that having some color on your skin has a number of valuable perks.  1) it makes the fleshiness appear less fleshy!  2) You don’t burn to a crisp the first 24 seconds that you lie baking in the hot, tropical sun.  3) Your white bathing suit doesn’t make you look sickly.

As I’m basking in the tube of sunniness I wonder to myself what on earth I’m doing lying on a whole lot of hot, hot light bulbs!  I mean, seriously, what do we think when creating this stuff?  Convenient, yes!  Stupid, perhaps a bit.  

I have to admit to getting a little cocky about the whole business.  You see, I’m not fair skinned by any means.  I walk out into the sunshine and VIOLA, I’m tanned.  It’s like insta-tanning for me.  Usually.  Apparently I’ve become a tad on the white side this winter.  I’m pretty sure -50 degree weather just sucks the color right out of your skin.  But I don’t think about this, I just go on past experiences and I’ve never had a problem with tanning beds.  I usually start at 8-10 minutes right off the hop and I have no issues with burning.  Not so this time.  I started at 6 minutes.  Got home, looked in the mirror and scoffed at the tanning bed gods.  There wasn’t even a hint of color.  What kind of joke was this?!  I decided I would go with my original thought and hit it up for 10 minutes the second time around.

Yeah, yeah…I know.  Increase by a minute or 2 not 4.  I paid the price.  The aforementioned fleshy parts of my back pasted against the hot light bulbs was not a good combo.  Four hours later I found 2 red racing stripes down my back.  

But, lucky for me, my skin doesn’t stay burnt long and by this morning, no burn.  Just a little bit of color where there was none before.  I still don’t think I’ll be jumping the gun like that again.  I think we’ll just stick with 10 minutes for another session and see how it goes.

And no worries I’ll be wearing a lot of sunscreen on our trip.  I don’t need to come home looking like a piece of bacon.  :D 

posted by erin on Jan 26

I found this on Lindsay’s blog and didn’t have anything better to post today.  Read this post, and then comment and tell me what you learned about me through taking a peek at my playlist. Then do the same thing – for yourself – on your blog or Facebook page. Turn on your iPod (or whatever you have) and hit shuffle.  Write down the first 40 songs that come up.  Then answer the 10 questions about them.  Here’s what mine came up with… 

1. Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap
2. I Hope You Dance – Lee Ann Womack
3. Voulez Vous – Mama Mia Soundtrack
4. Magic – Colbie Caillat
5. The Way I Are – Timbaland
6. No Air – Jordin Sparks with Chris Brown
7. Lovestoned/I Think She Knows – Justin Timberlake
8. Crush – David Archuleta
9. I Kissed a Girl – Katy Perry
10. See You Again – Miley Cyrus
11. You Don’t Know Me – Michael Buble
12. Beautiful U R – Deborah Cox
13. All Around Me – Flyleaf
14. I Caught Myself – Paramore (Twilight Soundtrack)
15. Just Dance – Lady Gaga
16. February Song – Josh Groban
17. Break Me Down – Red
18. Always On My Mind – Michael Buble
19. All I Ever Wanted – Basshunter
20. Mercy – Duffy
21. Out From Under – Britney Spears
22. Unusual You – Britney Spears
23. Leave Out All The Rest – Linkin Park
24. Private Dancer – Danny Fernandes
25. Better in Time – Leona Lewis
26. Angel – Natasha Bedingfield
27. The Reason – Hoobastank
28. The One – Sharam (Daniel Bedingfield)
29. Falling Inside The Black – Skillet
30. I Hate This Part – The Pussycat Dolls
31. Lost – Michael Buble
32. Drive My Soul – LIGHTS
33. Heartless – Kanye West
34. Disturbia – Rihanna
35. She’s a Hottie – Toby Keith
36. Stolen – Dashboard Confessional
37. Say (All I Need) – One Republic
38. Killing Me Softly – The Fugees
39. Low – Flo Rida
40. Even the Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You – Madonna

Which song on this list…

Makes you think of a friend? “Voulez Vous” makes me think of Elin and when we watched Mamma Mia. 

Makes you think of more than a friend? “No Air” by Jordin Sparks

Makes you dance? #’s 5, 7 12, 15, 19, 20, 24, 28, 34, 35, 39, 40

Makes you sing in the car? All of them!!Makes you remember something great? “Always on My Mind” by Michael Buble and “She’s a Hottie” by Toby Keith

Makes you laugh? “She’s a Hottie”

Surprised you? None of them, they are on my playlist cause I put them there!  :D

Embarrassed you? This is a toss up between “I Kissed a Girl” and “See You Again”.  I swear the Miley Cyrus one is on there because my girls love it!  Seriously!  And perhaps I’m just a rebel and put “I Kissed a Girl” on there because it made me feel naughty.  I really think it’s super catchy, but I never play it when my girls are in the room…they hear the first few notes and yell “BAD SONG, Mommy, turn it!!!”  (grins sheepishly)

Any overall observations?  My taste in music is rather eclectic an if you get me to make this playlist in a month it will be totally different.  My music changes with my mood and what’s happening in my life.    

Anything you want to say in your defense? Nope.  I don’t defend my music.  

posted by erin on Jan 23

I’m so nervous.  My hands are sweating.  I did it.  I registered.  I’m officially enrolled in the reflexology certification course.  AHHHHHH!!!!  I found out yesterday that my reflexology workshop that I had enrolled in close to home has been cancelled due to lack of interest.  So I pondered it, talked it over with Jer and decided that since it’s something I’m really interested in, I should just do it for real.  My first day of classes is April 9.  I can’t describe exaclty how I’m feeling right now.  Definitely excited.  I can’t believe that I did it.  Now to just pass the course.  Gah!   

posted by erin on Jan 21

Dear person in the black car,

I would just like to extend my sincerest apologies for laughing at you yesterday.  Because I did.  Hard.  And I realize today that it was not very compassionate or kind of me.

In my defence it WAS pretty funny that you kept stalling at every intersection…four times in a row.  I understand that you were probably learning to drive a standard car and that it is not the easiest skill to learn (this is precisely the reason I have never learned, which makes it even worse that I was laughing at all).  But…I’m thinking that possibly the best place to learn would be on some side streets where you don’t hold up traffic at every light.  Just a thought.  

Obviously I’m no expert when it comes to this, but this would be my two cents on the subject.

Sincerely,

Girl doubled over howling in the grey car beside you.   

posted by erin on Jan 15

Does fear ever hold you back from doing the things that you want?  It’s all too common in my life.  I’m afraid of failure.  Of rejection.  Of disappointment.  Of talking too much or saying the wrong thing or not saying enough.  Of people coming into my life and leaving without them ever knowing how much they really mean to me.  Of starting and not finishing.  So I start things with good intentions, but never follow through to my full potential.  Half of it is that I really don’t believe in myself or have a ton of confidence, the other half of it is that I just lose interest or attention for the task.  It’s my life.  

The most recent thing that is causing me a bit of anxiety is the idea of getting more education.  I’m very frightened of school as an adult because I feel like I spent my entire school career trying my hardest to blend in, concentrating on passing and excelling and when it was finally over I was so relieved.  School was hard for me.  It didn’t come easily and the people that breezed through with hardly any effort used to make me so irritated…well not the people themselves, but the effortless way they excelled.  I didn’t desire a single hour more of education when I graduated from high school, not because I didn’t think there were things I’d like to learn, but because the thought of walking into a classroom setting, taking tests and exams, writing papers and having to do any kind of public speaking frightened me to such a degree that I vowed to never step into a classroom again.

Now this doesn’t mean I’m an ignorant person or haven’t continued to learn or don’t see the value in further education.  I don’t let my mind become stale or stagnant.  I just learn on my own terms, in my own time.  It’s how I function.  I wanted to be an interior designer.  I settled on being an interior decorator because the thought of 6 years of university completely incapacitated me.  I think I would have been a really good designer, but I held myself back because I was afraid.  Now I’m a decorator, but I don’t pursue it fully because I’m afraid that I’m not good enough.  I’m afraid to put myself out there and be judged.  It’s a really vulnerable place.

There is a new choice before me.  I’m enrolled in a reflexology workshop that will give me the ability to dabble in reflexology to a point.  It will let me see if I really like it without diving into a certification program that would be worth a lot of money and time.  Yesterday I ventured to take a closer look at the certification program.  It intrigued me.  It would take me 10 weeks of classroom study (slight nerves set in, but it’s do-able.  I can suck up my insecurities and do that).  Then I would have to do 60 documented case studies (again, not really a big deal.  I have enough people that would let me work on them to get those hours).  Then I would have to complete a 2 hour written exam (heart palpitations, instant sweating and a twitch in my hand that begs me to click off the site and tell myself it just isn’t worth it).  Finally there would be a 90 minute practical exam (um, right, what was I thinking?  Maybe a workshop is good enough.  I don’t really need to be THAT educated.  I mean, why would I want to push myself past my comfort level).

Do you see what I’m getting at?  I desire to be the best.  I WANT to get to the level that I know I’m capable of, but I’m AFRAID to step out and see what I can do.  I’m afraid that I’ll crack at the eleventh hour.  But what if I CAN do it?  What if I AM good enough?  I’ll never know if I don’t try…if I don’t push myself.  I don’t want to be at the end of my life and look back and say I only did half of what I could have because I was too afraid to go the whole way.  That would be sad.  

And I don’t want regrets. 

posted by erin on Jan 13

I’m tired.  My head and neck hurt.  I’m cold (who wouldn’t be when it’s a vertible deep freeze outside?!).  Apparently I’m feeling a bit whiney, too.  I want to curl up in my warm bed and read, but I can’t stop staring at my computer screen.  It’s been like 4 days since my last post and I’m feeling SOOOO guilty.  I have nothing important to write about.  I mean, there might be a couple funny anecdotal type thingamabobs that have happened in the last few days that I could regale you with.  

Um, let’s see.  Today I asked Aidan why she was sucking her thumb in the middle of the afternoon and she said “I’m NOT sucking my thumb!  It’s just sleeping in my mouth.”  True story!

I found a chewed up carrot on the side of my bathtub and a dried out, rubbery one IN the tub.  It kind of wiggled when you shook it.  Why I was shaking a dead carrot, I’ll never know.

I was out taking a picture yesterday morning and thinking that I knew the terrain well enough, I took a step and sunk to my waist in snow.  You should have seen me flailing about.  So glad no one happened to drive by at that most inopportune moment!

 I kept Ella home from school today because even though the schools don’t think it necessary to shut down when it’s minus a million degrees outside, I don’t think it’s fair.  Like I’m going to wake up my happily sleeping, warm 5 year-old to send her to Kindergarten when frosbite will happen 3 minutes before you even step out the door.  Uh, uh, not gonna do it!

We’re going to Mexico.  (Yeah.  I know.  You are jealous and want to be me.  That’s okay though.  Just think about how awesome it would be to actually BE me.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to touch second hand carrot gob and other such exciting things?)  We are lucky enough to be going with my fabulous cousins, Chad and Jen.  I can hardly wait.  I’m not sure if I’m more excited about hanging out with them and having a rockin’ good time or being in above 0 temperatures for 14 consecutive days!!!  Woot woot!

I am currently eating Teddy Graham crackers.  Like at this very moment!

 Ella did the laundry today!  She ASKED to do the laundry today.  She comes up to me while I’m sitting zombifying myself with Flickr pages and says, “Mom, can I help you?”  I nervously look up…”With what, exactly?”  She hums and hahs for a moment and then says, “How about the laundry?”  (you know it’s getting bad when your 5-year old thinks perhaps she should offer her valuable services in the laundry department!)  So I sent her off to collect hers and Aidan’s laundry.  I watched her drag her basket to the laundry room and haul a chair in there.  Then she yells, “Mommy, which one is the washer?”  So actually this was going to be ME doing laundry and her tagging along for the ride.  Oh well.  I gave her all the directions and watched her conquer the beast.  She grabs the dry stuff out of the dryer and hauls it into the living room, plunks herself down on the floor and starts folding it.  And not doing a bad job, either.  I was so proud.  My own little laundry service.  I think dishes are next.  Pretty soon all I’ll have to do is yell directions and you’ll find me wasting my time in front of my computer all day, snuggly ensconced in my chair with a cushion growing up my arse, fat as a beached whale doing my Wii Fit and getting seriously toned because of all the free time I have to exercise!  Happy sigh!

Okay, I think the reservoir has run dry.  So I’m going to go to bed, get my book, listen to our house creak and groan in the frigid temps, pray that it doesn’t go sliding down the hill because it couldn’t withstand -50 C, and hope my husband can keep his cold feet on his side of the bed.  Night! 

posted by erin on Jan 9

• Where am I?  In bed…next to snoozey mcSnoozerhead

• What am I wearing?  Whoa!!  Getting a little personal aren’t we?!  Why don’t you tell ME what YOU are wearing instead, huh?  Huh?  Yeah, I know you are still in your p.j.’s!  Just sayin’ is all.  And I’m in my bathrobe that I got for Christmas.  It says “All about me” on the back.  It’s perfect really, don’t you think?

• What did I eat last?  2 handfuls of mini M&M’s and a mini Lindt chocolate.  Two things in common…mini and chocolate.  That’s right.  Kind of like being on a diet.  Makes it all feel a little more okay to be eating it at 11 p.m. if it’s in mini form.

• Most exciting thing I did today?  Not clean my house.  I had a plan.  I had momentum.  I was going to take down my Christmas tree.  Then the phone rang and I got invited out for the second coffee date of the day and I was out the door faster than you can say…something that’s really fast.  Yes people, I am a busy person, cramming as many things into my social calendar and avoiding dust wherever possible.  It’s tough being me.  Tomorrow, coffee and photography group in the morning and in the afternoon coffee and catch-up with old friends.  Good thing I don’t drink coffee or I’d be wired after all these so called “coffee” dates!  And for those people who don’t know what I’m talking about, we here in my small town call going visiting “going for coffee” regardless of whether or not you actually consume said beverage.

• Last book I read?  ”The Sidewalk Artist” by someone.  Hold on while I Google that…okay, it’s by Gina Buonaguro (and I only had to flip back and forth between this post and the Googled page 4 times to get the spelling of her name right.  Remind me next time to use copy and paste!).  This book is fabulous.  It’s a quick read (for someone like me who thrives on 1000+ page novels) and it was completely absorbing.  Written in the first person present tense style, I immediately felt drawn into the story and the emotion.  I felt like I was living and breathing the story.  It really came alive for me.  It isn’t your classic happy ending love story kind of book and usually that’s not okay, since I’m a bit of an escapism reader.  But this time I really liked it.  So you really have to find out for yourself if you like it.  I really did.

• Biggest challenge I had today?  Getting my picture for the 365 project.  Gah!  Today was tough.  I hit a bit of mental and creative block.  I trudged through lots of snow again in order to find something outside to photograph.  I laid on my dining room table.  I stood on the table.  I stood on my bed.  I burned my hand getting too close to the chandelier lightbulb.  I put bubble dish detergent water in a sparkly martini glass.  It was a beast today.  Here are some of the pics I DIDN’T use…

Froze my legs and filled my boots with snow only to come home and realize that the sun was really overexposed.  That’s what happens when it’s so cold outside that your breath fogs up the screen and you THINK it’s going to be great, but it really isn’t.  Still kind of a cool shot with the lone lightpost, but, meh… 

That’s the view from the bottom of my chandelier above my bed.  I know, really inspiring, isn’t it?!  The ceiling does look a little like chocolate.  Hey, that could explain my desire to eat chocolate when I’m lying in bed!! 

Did you know that standing with your face mere inches from hot lightbulbs encased in glittering crystal is rather blinding?  Lesson learned.   

Almost sloshed water onto my laptop whilst standing half on the table, half on the chair balancing a full glass of water up close to the chandelier while holding my camera in the other hand and trying to adjust settings and take the picture.  As you can see, didn’t work out to well for me  

So my final picture that I used was a composite of a picture I did in fact take today and 2 others that worked with the theme that I had taken before Christmas.  So here it is if you care to see.

• Number of streetlights I can see from my current position at the dining room table in a pitch black house?  7

• Why I’m now at the dining room table rather than in bed where I started this post?  My battery died.  2 hours, my foot.  It lasted a whole 34 minutes!  Sucky laptop.  Nice to have such a handy portable device when you can’t go further than the nearest outlet!  

• Reasons why my Christmas tree is still up on January 9th?  Well first off, when asked by my 5 year old when we were going to take the tree down I murmured something about leaving it up until Valentine’s Day.  I think she took me at my word because I later overheard her mentioning this quite incredulously to my mom.  Then today when I said that Mommy should probably think about taking it down, my 3 year old said, “But you said it was staying here until Valentine’s!”  Not that she has a hot clue what Valentine’s Day is.  But it did provide ammo for an argument with Mommy which is always awesome.  Secondly, I have upwards of 400 ornaments on it.  It took me 3 hours to decorate it the first time, 4 hours spread over a week to decorate it the second time…I have no motivation to take it down AT ALL!  I’m done.  In fact, when it does come down it will likely all go into a big box and I’ll open it up next year wondering why I didn’t nicely separate and organize the ornaments.  I’ll probably also wonder next year at the annual “falling of the tree” why we bother in the first place.   

• Number of friends I have on Facebook who have blogs? 33

• Number of times I had to recount that because I kept getting distracted from reading their status updates? 3

And now that I’ve bored you all to tears, I’m going to go to bed.  I’ve hit the backspace more times than I can count because my eyes are drooping and my motor skills are failing me.  I think one day I’ll type a post and not use the backspace key at all.  Then we’ll see what an awesome typist I am.  I know…you can hardly wait.  Good night all!

posted by erin on Jan 7

I think I may be a tad touched in the head.  As you know, I started this 365 day photo project (btw, thank you to my loyal fans who have left me comments over there, that’s the BEST part of blogging!!) and I’m on a mission.  On a mad, mad mission.  It’s consuming me.  I dream about it.  Seriously.  

Today I get this brilliant idea.  I…am going to trek a very, very long way across a field…in knee-deep snow…with my child in tow…across a field… about 3/4 of a mile…across a FIELD!!!…to photograph a tree.  A friggin’ tree!!  Did I mention it’s -32C (-26F) with the windchill?  But the sun was shining!  (Always the optimist, I am!)

I’m far enough into my long trek that I can’t exactly turn back when I realize, I forgot my cell phone.  At home on the table.  A lot of good THAT’S going to do me when I’m a frozen, frostbitten, windchilled snow ornament in the middle.of.a.field!!  So do I go on, do I turn back…what to do?!  It’s me…of course I go on.  I just tell myself, “Erin, this TOTALLY gives you something to blog about!”  If in fact you ever make it home alive!

 So I’m right about here…

…when I take note that it would have been quicker to drive AROUND the field to the other side and walk the 1/4 mile from that side than the 3/4 mile from this side.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  Again, too late to turn back.  On we trudge.  Well I trudged, Aidan was in the sled. 

Did you know that walking in knee-deep snow is a GREAT work out?  Heh.  The benefits abound.  I was thinking I should get out and exercise, so there you have it.  Eventually I turned around to see how far I was from home and realized that I was indeed going to have to walk BACK the other direction.  Oh yeah, and I would have to walk against wind on the way back.  Loverly.

By this time I couldn’t feel my legs anyway, so the shaking from fatigue wasn’t bothering me too terribly much.  I got so close.  So, so close to my destination when I gave up and turned around.  I just couldn’t go any further.  Sigh.  At least I got some good pictures.  

Oh, never fear…I WILL take a picture of that tree yet.  I’ll find a way.  Just watch I’ll get to it and it will be the most unspectacular tree, no doubt  

To see todays 365 pic go to my photoblog.  You can view my other pictures on my Flickr photostream.   

posted by erin on Jan 4

Today I started a new blog in addition to this one.  REACHING…a documentation of my 365 day photo project that I decided to do as I aspire to become better at taking photographs.  I want to post one picture a day at this sight and I’d love if you would stop over there and leave me feedback when you get a chance.  I’ll HOPEFULLY be updating it daily.  That would, obviously, be the point!  I’m still trying to figure it out, but really there isn’t much to it.  Just a picture each day with a quote (if I’m so inspired).  There is a link on my sidebar if you feel inclined to check it out in the future.  

posted by erin on Jan 4

**Four days into 2009 and not a blog post to be seen from me.  I SERIOUSLY hope this is not a sign of another bad blogging year for me.  Not that last year was bad, per se, just a little, um, disappointing.  It was good in that I met lots of new and inspiring friends via this old blog.  It was bad disappointing because I had a 365 day run of writer’s block….or so it felt!  Well not this year!!  Nope, this year I’m turning over a new blog-leaf.  Yup.  There are going to be some BIG changes around here.  Like a post now and again.  Amazing, I tell ya! 

 ******

I did something this past week that warrants mentioning.  I survived my first attempt at skating in 10 YEARS!  10 YEARS!!!  I can’t believe it.  I actually managed to stay on my feet and not end up in the snowbank, although it was touch and go there for the first few minutes.  It was fantastic.  

Did you know that back in the day…wayyyyyy back, I was going to be a figure skater?  Oh yeah.  I was in lessons, I watched all the figure skating competitions on t.v. with bated breath dreaming of being the next big one, my dad made us a rink every winter and I would practice and practice and dream.  I would lie in bed in the dark, imagining myself out on the ice on a snowy, wintry night with the huge spotlights shining on me as I twirled around in a pretty sparkly dress.  Sigh.  Now I fear that the lycra, sequins and spandex would just make me look all sausagey and force people to look away in horror before I could even amaze them with my mediocre skillz.  But the dream lives on.  

Last week our neighbor cleared a patch of ice on the lake behind our house and the weather cooperated, in that it was actually somewhat mild for a change.  I tore up the ice with my crazy moves.  I mean, it was no Stars on Ice or anything, but it was pretty good considering my age and years of famine in the skating arena (ARENA…get it?  Bwahaha…um, right).  So yeah, I skated in circles, backwards and forwards.  I managed to NOT fall.  I even did a little jump or two.  And by little I mean really little :)  Like a toe pick in the ice with one foot to propel me and the other foot barely leaving the ice.  But there WAS a second or two where both skates were definitely off the ice.  In the air.  So…a jump.  Yes.

Will there be pictures to back up this feat?  Perhaps.  If the temperature ever gets above -40 again and if it ever stops snowing long enough for us to find the lake under the layers and layers of white stuff.  I think perhaps I overdid it just a smidge the first day, as it was kind of hard to walk the rest of that evening.  Did you know that there are muscles used specifically for skating?  Nope, neither did I, until that first day.  WOWZERS!!!  Jer actually had to hold me up a couple times because I thought my legs were going to drop out from under me.  But the next day I was back out there and loving every second of it.  

Ella even managed to learn how to skate this week and after 2 times on skates, ever, she was attempting to twirl “like mommy” and she actually did.  I am so proud of her.  It seems she has a knack for skating.  On her first day on skates she was already propelling herself without any help from us.  It makes me so happy to see her out there enjoying herself and asking “Can we come back outside and skate ALL DAY tomorrow?  Right after breakfast??”  :)  You bet, kiddo, as long as you stay out of momma’s way whilst she relives the dream!