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September 7, 2009

Why I never pursued a career in baking

Did you know that there are just some days that you shouldn’t even walk into a kitchen?  Like today.

I am quite a good cook/baker.  Except today.  Today I am a failure in the kitchen.  Today I should have been fired.

 The challenge: make two trifles – one Skor and one strawberry for our neighbourhood barbeque.

I can do this.  I’ve made a hundred trifles in my time.  I mean how can you possibly screw up a TRIFLE??

Well, for starters you can buy the wrong cake mix.  One of my trifles required a chocolate cake mix and one needed vanilla.  So what do I do?  I buy two vanilla.  For moi, baker extraordinaire…no problem.  Just make a chocolate cake from scratch, cause I’m awesome like that.  Or something.  And I get the even more brilliant idea to use the old family favorite, Chocolate Mocha Cake.

This particular recipe requires coffee.  Strong black coffee (but perhaps not so strong that it’s walking out of the house with a fur coat on).  I opened my cupboard to take out the coffee maker, which by the way, we NEVER use because we are not coffee drinkers.  Buuuutttt apparently we HAD used it once upon a time…a very, very, VERY long time ago.

And not cleaned the filter or filter tray (you know those handy, dandy filters that you don’t have to throw away??  Umhmm).

And there was still coffee grinds in it.

And it had about an inch of fluffy white mold.

And I think I puked in my mouth a little bit.

I set out to disinfect my coffee maker.  I’m a little upset at this point.  What was supposed to be an easy recipe is turning into an hour of obstacles and yes, I admit a few cuss words.

I get everything prepared and put my coffee on, breathe a sigh, wish I was a coffee drinker and start again.  I can do this.  I just need to change my attitude and carry on.  No big deal!

Oh, but it gets worse.  Or better depending on how you look at it.

I start mixing ingredients in the bowl.  Well, I TRY to mix the ingredients in my bowl, but for some odd reason the batter just wants to crawl up my beaters and I shake my head in wonder…this has never happened before.  I’ve made this recipe many times and it’s never done this.

I check my recipe…what could be wrong with it…SUGAR!  I FORGOT SUGAR!!!  Huh?!  Who forgets SUGAR in a DESSERT???

**heavy sighing**

Okay, incorporate sugar into globule of chocolate batter that has the consistency of glue and playdough.  Not. Happening.

The next thing I know there is batter flying past my head, onto my wall, onto the floor, hitting my soap dispenser, sticking to my arms.  Ugh.

 So then I did what any self respecting woman would do.  I looked at the opportunity presented to me and began eating chocolate…I may have even licked my arm.  :D

And just for the record, I managed to salvage the cake.  So not an epic fail.  Just an epic pain in the ass!

4 Comments »

  1. Aw :) LOL.

    Comment by Janet — September 7, 2009 @ 5:12 pm

  2. Thanks for the laugh!

    I’m glad it all turned out in the end!

    Comment by Sheila — September 7, 2009 @ 5:25 pm

  3. Erin, I’m sorry but that is hilarious! I could totally picture it…even the arm lick:) I’m glad I’m not the only one who makes mistakes in the kitchen from time to time…
    And I’m glad it turned out in the end! The other day I burned my hamburgers so bad I had to order out:)

    Comment by Becky — September 7, 2009 @ 9:20 pm

  4. Ahhhhh. . .you are not alone. .. totally been there. . .and with me usually there is some fire involved and something plastic usually melts. . .spoons. . bowls. .. small toys??

    Comment by Colleen — September 14, 2009 @ 11:36 am

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