Fully Alive…Ready to Smile

Have you ever kept a journal or diary?  That was a staple in my life when I was a preteen and then again later in my teen years while going through the turmoil of boy issues.  There was something so cathartic about pouring my heart onto paper.  Part of the love of it was having a pretty journal.  Somehow the thoughts always flowed easier when it was into a lovely little book.  And the secrecy that surrounded it made it so special.  It was hidden and locked.  I was able to write down anything and not fear judgment or censorship.  It didn’t mock me for some silly notion or tell my I was crazy (even though I’m sure I often was).

Somehow the act of writing down what was in my head and heart calmed the often nervous tension that built up in me from insecurities, unrequited “love,” questions about who I was and other day to day drama.  And goodness, there was always a lot of drama.

Then I grew up.  I became too “old” to keep a journal and it seemed so juvenile.  Things in my world worked out how I had “planned” and the turmoil in my life disappeared.  I no longer had use for the trusty pen and journal,  so I put aside my childish ways.  For 9 years I didn’t recorded my deepest thoughts and inner most desires.  I didn’t put words to my fears or uncertainties.  The thought never really crossed my mind.

Until about a year ago.  I started dealing with some issues that had been laying dormant for a few years and when they reared their ugly head I wasn’t quite sure how to cope.  Suddenly I had these thoughts running around and around in my mind incessantly.  I couldn’t fall asleep.  I would wake up once i finally did fall asleep and start thinking again.  The thoughts would take over and normal, mundane chores and activities seemed like too much work because I couldn’t stop my overactive, overtired brain.

It came to me one evening after a particularly hard day and a stilted conversation with my husband that I realized how much I didn’t feel able to express to him not because I couldn’t form a coherent thought, but rather I didn’t want to tell him.  It was too private.  It was between me, myself and God.  That’s when I decided to bring back the journal.  It started off being very occasional.  Just when I had a very hard day did I document the thoughts and feelings.  It gave me almost instant relief.  After a few months it became more regular.  Once a week.  And then a few times a week and more recently it’s almost daily that I write down what’s on my mind.

The very act of freeing the thoughts from my mind and putting them into tangible, written word has given me the ability to reclaim my brain space.  It’s as though by writing it down, it takes it from my head and locks it into the book.  Then it no longer controls me, I control it.  I can choose when I want to revisit that particular thought.  I don’t mull things over and over and rehash things until they are beaten beyond recognition.  I just write it down and go on with my day.  It’s incredible the weight that it has lifted off my shoulders and the peace I have regained.  It doesn’t necessarily solve the issues, but it gives me the clarity to work them through in a more precise manner.

Someone asked me the other day if it worries me that my husband might one day read it, if that fear stops me from writing honestly.  I don’t worry about that.  It is a very private book for me.  It has things in it that are meant for no one but me and God.  My husband knows that.  He respects that.  I know the boundaries are very clear and I don’t have to hide it or feel the need to censor my writing.  And it feels so good.

Did you keep a diary when you were younger?  Do you still?  What’s the purpose of it?

My blog’s anniversary came and went without too much hooplah.  Probably because I’m busy trying to organize my own hooplah!!  It’s my birthday in 18 days and I’m having a little party.  Wanna come?  It’s going to be fun.  I promise.  There will be costumes, and food, maybe some craziness (that’s usually guaranteed if I’m in the room), a game or two, and perhaps some prizes for the best costumes.  I’ve finally decided on hosting a party in our house and making everyone who is invited dress up in a costume.  I’ve heard a little bit of grumbling from some friends who I won’t name Shelley and Louise about having to wear a costume, but I’m hoping that my charm and loveliness will win them over to participate and join in the fun for me because they love me so much : )

So now the question that is brought to mind…WHAT do I wear?  I’ve found a few fun ideas:

Pebbles from the Flinstones (isn’t that wig adorable?)

or maybe Betty Boop (it also comes with the wig, but more than that, I wonder if it comes with the body?)…

or perhaps my favorite superhero as a little girl…Wonderwoman!  Of course the top on this costume would come to my armpits since my tatas are not that, um, perky! : )  I guess we all know why she’s a “wonder.”  Somehow I don’t think I’d invoke the kind of awe that she always did, lol.  But it’s a fun costume nonetheless.

I have come to a few conclusions while looking at costumes online:

• All women in these costumes are skinny little bone racks
• All women in these costumes are skinny little bone racks with nice tatas
• All women in these costumes are skinny little bone racks with nice tatas and legs up to their nice tatas
• All costumes on said women are short, tight fitting and low cut to better enhance all of the aformentioned traits
• I.Do.Not.Look.Like.That!!!
• Perhaps Louise’s idea of wearing a white sheet and coming as a ghost is not such a bad idea.
• That or I’m getting me a figure enhancing, tummy sucking in, tata lifting body suit so that I can pretend I look like that!

On that note, I spent all day yesterday cooking and baking with Shelley.  We decided to make food for freezing cause we’re cool like that.  We made 4 lasagnes, 11 dozen meatballs, 10 dozen mini banana choc. chip muffins, 14 tins of spinach and artichoke dip, about 200 monster cookies (we’re talking 13 cups of oats and 4 1/2 cups of peanut butter in that recipe!), approx. 100 bacon cheeseburger pockets, and the 80 of the yummiest most scrumptious lemon crunch muffins you have ever tasted.  All while being awesome moms to 4 children.  Yeah, I’m totally getting the Wonderwoman costume!

In the last few days on top of our jogging, Shelley and I have been using her Wii Fit.  Now, can I just say that I want one?  Good.  I want one.  After wanting to smack it for showing my weight on the screen (and I’m assuming that like my scale a week ago, the Wii scale is also broken), I actually quite enjoyed it.  When I first had my body test done my Wii Fit Age (based on height, age, weight, center of balance, and some other minor tests) was 39 years.  Hmmm.  I got to skip the whole turning 30 freak out and head straight for my 40’s!  A little perturbed by that, I did 30 minutes of exercising on the Wii Fit and then retested.  I was sure that 30 minutes could change something.  And it did.  I lost 0.2 pounds (ya!) and my BMI went from 24.9 to 24.88 (ha!).

Then yesterday after all our baking (of which I didn’t do a lot of taste testing) I did the Body Test again and I had lost another 1.3 pounds, my BMI went down to 24.6 AND my Wii age was 29.  That’s a little more like it.  I decided that even though I didn’t feel like it, I would go for a jog this evening and I have to brag just a little, I made it almost 2 1/2 miles.  Then I stopped in at Shelley’s to “weigh in” and I’d lost another 1.5 pounds.  I had made a 14 pound weight loss goal for the next 2 months and I’m happy to say that I’ve accomplished almost 3 pounds in 3 days.  I guess we’ll see if I can keep on a downward decent with the weight.  Wish me luck.  I have to fit into a little costume in less than 3 weeks : )

…to me!  It’s my blog’s 2 year anniversary and I couldn’t let the day pass without mentioning that.  Hopefully I’ll be around soon with more, um, interesting stuff.  Life is just a little crazy right now.  So thank you all who visit and comment.  Without you my blog would probably have died a long time ago : )

I had my first official morning to myself with both my girls being in school!  ACK!  I can’t believe we are there already.  My baby was so proud as she put on her school bag this morning and waited by the front door.  It was a big moment for her.  She’s been watching her big sister go to school these last two years, and waiting her turn with a little impatience.  Even as we walked Ella to the school bus this morning Aidan was saying, “Mommy, I want to go to school NOW!”

I spent my precious 2 1/2 hours with a client helping her pick paint colors for her new house.  It was the perfect way to spend the time, really.  No kids to have to find a babysitter for or having them with me, interrupting.  I could focus and just do what I love doing.  I was very happy with how it turned out, too.

Here’s some pictures of Aidan’s big morning…

Putting her jacket and school bag away on her hook…

and finding her cubby for her shoes and snack bag.

And a little piece of my heart stays behind with them.

*****

In other news, we had to get our house ready for a showing this weekend so I used that as an excuse to FINALLY finish my ensuite bathroom (in terms of decor) and get the girls rooms nearer to completion.  Here’s some pictures of the updates I did.

Aidie-bug finally got some stuff on her walls and a night stand.  Her room was really empty until now.  She is so thrilled.

She picked the Cinderella picture to hang above her dresser.  How could I say no?  It was adorable (and had the right colors in it).   It can be no fun having an interior decorator for a mommy when it comes to picking stuff for them since it all has to look good.  : ) Luckily for her it worked out in her favor this time.

I finally found a picture to put above Ella’s bed.  I couldn’t believe how well it worked with her bedding.

Before we even moved into our house I found a beautiful ballerina statue and letters that said “dance” but never put them up, cause I’m lazy like that!  I finally did put them up and hung the cute little shadow boxes I made a few weeks back.  I also found a nice pink mirror at Walmart for $5.00.  Can’t beat that kind of price!

I had never put any color or decorations into our ensuite bathroom, so I decided to pull the red from my picture in our bedroom into the bathroom.  I got new towels and a gorgeous fake orchid for the counter.

I found these pictures at Superstore and I fell in love with them.  They were $17 each and were the perfect shades of red and pink to work with the towels.

I had never posted a picture after we had our mantle put up so here it is in all it’s loveliness.  I bought the white square vase and grass to fill the space and give some height.

Here’s just a different view and it shows my nice newly painted door.  It only took me 6 months to get the insides of my exterior doors painted : )

Jer finally got our backsplash finished.  It really completes the kitchen.

And here’s a view of the other side

And in a few short weeks we get to start all over!  I keep wondering if I can do as good or better in the next house, cause I really like this one!

I’m sitting here, watching the minutes tick by as I keep doing “one more thing.”  I should be in bed.  I haven’t slept in 3 days.  I’m so tired.  You know what sucks the most?  Finally falling asleep at 7:00 a.m. and having the deepest sleep you’ve had all night only to wake up at 7:10 a.m. because you have to get up and get the kids ready for school.  I even had a full on dream in those 10 minutes!  Grrr…

Where was I?  I went for my CranioSacral/Myo Fascial massage today.  It was intense.  It’s different than your traditional massage.  I didn’t know what to expect, so I wasn’t surprised by anything…except perhaps the placement of hands in places that, ahem, were kind of close to, well you know, places.  It appears the Sacrum is “low, low, low” on the back.  Other than that, fabulous.  I will definitely go again.  I could already see the physical effects of it directly after the massage just by looking in the mirror.  My whole right side of my body was in a weird slumped position before and after it was all more aligned and upright.  Very good.

I realized I haven’t mentioned anything about the fact that (and excuse my yelling) IT ‘S MY BIRTHDAY IN ONE MONTH FROM TOMORROW!!!  Happy sigh.  For those of you just joining my blog mid year, my birthday is a national holiday in the making.  Actually it IS a holiday (although only here in Canada, but whatevs) since it’s on Thanksgiving weekend.  Every few years it ends up on Thanksgiving Day.  And everyone can be thankful that I’m here : )  I need some great ideas for a birthday party.  I’m not sure if we should go for supper and then come back here for dessert like last year.  Or maybe have the whole evening here.  Ooh, maybe a murder mystery night.  Or a theme night.  Or maybe we should go bowling.  The options are endless.  I sound like I’m 12 again.  I just love me a good party.

Also lost on the radar is the fact that in 3 weeks from today I am joining 3 lovely ladies on a road trip to St. Louis to go to the Joyce Meyers convention!  How exciting is that?  I get to cross another thing off of my 1001 things to do in 101 days list since I will be taking a road trip with friends into the U.S.  Awesome!

I was going to write something of substance and not just another update post, but I can’t think clearly right now.  Doctor’s orders were to go have a hot bath before bed.  So here I go!

And thank you all for the pity comments you give me when I write crap like this just to fill space on the interweb.  Makes me feel so loved : )  One day I will have something awesome to report.

P.S. I just have to add how super duper (super trouper) excited I am that ABBA Singstar is being released at Christmas!!!  I’m so excited I think I’m going to pee (just kidding) (about the peeing not the excitement levels).

Ten what…I don’t know, things that are in my head today (and this post has taken me 9 1/2 hours to write…see #10).

1.  My little girl started Kindergarten yesterday!  I cannot believe it.  Here she is today marching excitedly to wait for the bus for the very first time (we had to drive them yesterday)…

She could hardly stand still as she waited.  She was just glowing!

I was a little misty eyed as I watched her go up the steps and not even turn around to look at me.  Sigh.  The independence is just blooming in that child and I’m not sure if I’m prepared : )

At least she thought to look and wave after she found her seat.

2. We are frantically trying to get our house in “for sale” mode.  We’ve had the taper in to fix up some “less than perfection” on the ceiling and now I have to HOPEFULLY not repaint my whole ceiling.  We’ll see when the paint dries.  I’m not holding my breath.  That would make me very unhappy to have to do that.  Besides, I ran out of paint.  Ack!

3.  We actually already have 2 parties interested in seeing our house and it’s not even up for sale yet.  The first showing is on Saturday.  This is a good sign of things to come.  Bring it on!

4.  Yesterday we started cleaning up our basement and sorting through the HUGE pile of boxes that was once actually a pile, but has migrated.  All the stuff that we were NOT going to unpack, but…you know, “oh, which box is such-and-such in?” and then you open it up, rifle through it, find what you need and leave it opened with half the remaining contents spilling over (well, maybe YOU don’t, but I did).  Do that over and over and it’s a disaster area and a huge job to clean up and reorganize.

5.  On that note, I’ve decided to get rid of all our baby stuff.  That was a momentous decision.  And probably a bad one.  Isn’t that when someone usually gets pregnant (knock on wood, fingers crossed, prayers sent up to heaven and anything else that will keep me from getting pregnant right now, sorry Jer!).  I went through my girls’ baby clothing and pulled out the stuff I want to keep.  Talk about reminiscing!  If I ever get pregnant again (on purpose or by accident) I will buy new stuff.  I just can’t keep hauling it around from one house to the next.  It’s too much work!

6.  I think I’m getting a cold.  Ick!  I got 3 hours of sleep the night before last and 5 yesterday.  I’m tired.

7.  Ella had her first ballet class tonight.  Yay!  She was so darn cute in her little body suit and ballet slippers.

8.  I have started up jogging again.  And not by myself this time.  I know I posted about my run the other day and it felt so good to get out that I decided to get back into it regularly and I’ve dragged my darling friend Shelley along for the ride (run) kicking and screaming!  She is hilarious.  She agrees to be my jogging partner and then is incredulous when I say we are running in the rain.  If we gonna do it, we gonna DO IT!!!  And besides, it was misting, not really raining.  Felt really good, actually.

I am so impressed by her.  She has never really done the whole jogging out of doors thing (she’s a treadmiller) and by the second time out we made it 1.6 miles.  I know I could have said a mile and a half, but let’s face it people, 1.6 miles IS further than 1.5 and every.single.step.counts!!!  I don’t know yet if we have a goal, but we have decided to go out at least 4 times a week.  I’m not sure what we will do once the snow flies.  I guess we’ll see.

9.  I found my scale yesterday while repacking boxes in the basement and I decided to try it out.  BIG mistake!  Apparently there is something wrong with it and it’s not showing my true weight, ahem, and so I threw it out.  That’ll show it!  : )

10.  Now I’m drinking wine.  ‘Nuf said.

It is 10:41 and I have about six things started and nothing finished.  My head may actually fall off it’s swivel from dashing in many directions at the same time.  Why all the chaos?  Well, it has begun.  It appears my lazy months of summer are officially over!  Over, over, over.

Yes, the inevitable has crept up on me and school is upon us.  It scares me…having to be up at 7:30 every morning.  I know I’ll be okay, but it still makes me balk at the idea that someone else is now controlling my schedule.  Not that it would worry me enough to homeschool.  Uh, uh.  I admire all you moms who do homeschool, but this mommy is looking forward to those precious few hours of time to myself.  Call me selfish, I don’t care.  I think as a mom we earn that time!

(**See this is what I’m talking about, I get up to get a fly swatter to beat the tar out of the little bugger circling my head and I get into the kitchen and “OH, my pills, I forgot to take them with my breakfast speaking of which, why is that counter not wiped yet, I should do that.  Right, I was going to put those dishes in the dishwasher, too” and so on and so on.  No wonder I get nothing accomplished.**)

Secondly, I’m in a flurry because it’s September and September means getting ready to start our next house.  We made the nerve wracking trip to the bank yesterday to see if they would be able to (Oh, be right back…forgot a wet shirt in a lump in my bathroom sink that I was handwashing and it needs to be hung up…) advance us enough money to start building BEFORE we put our house up for sale so that we can get it close enough to completion and avoid another move in with mom and dad.  Not that I don’t appreciate all the generosity on my parents part in letting me and my brood bunk with them for 5 1/2 months the first time and 3 1/2 months the second time, but we’d love to avoid it again.  As I’m sure they would, too.

Happily the bank agreed to advance us enough to start, so as soon as our lot is ready (maybe in a month) we will be digging our basement and starting over.  This means that the next month will be filled with lining up trades, picking selections (oh, goody), organizing and getting this house ready to sell.  To make matters a little more hectic, Jer’s boss, who is also a real estate agent and will be selling our house, said that we should keep our house in showable condition because even though it’s not on the market yet, he’s going to keep it in the back of his head if he comes across someone who wants a December/January possession.  Translation?  I have to keep my house clean.  Always.  He said to expect short notice drop ins.  Yay!  (thick with sarcasm)

AND on top of all that, said boss approached me yesterday to decorate their display home across the street.  This means I get to go shop for appliances, furniture, and accessories on someone else’s dime : )  That makes me inordinately happy.  The catch?  Oh, he won’t be ready for me until next week sometime.  NEXT WEEK?!?  Oh, no problem, that’s plenty of time to come up with a complete plan and shop for everything and put it in there!  Again, heavy with the sarcasm.  These things take time!  Time!  Of which I suddenly seem to have a shortage of to get everything done.

So why exactly am I sitting here writing when I could be organizing, cleaning, shopping, planning, decorating or rocking and humming?  Good question.  Perhaps just to give you all the heads up that I may be missing for a while.  If you are looking for me, that’s where I’ll be.

This morning I decided to be really energetic and go for a jog…I know, what was I on, right?  Well it IS Labor Day.  And I can’t just sit on my butt all day like I did yesterday : )

So I’m out there jogging, pushing myself.  It’s been months, well pretty much since last year that I really jogged for serious.  Last year I was so dedicated, I pushed, I learned, I succeeded.  This year?  Meh, kind of slack.  Everything’s been kind of slack, really.  I can’t say 2008 has been my best and yet there are moments and hours and days that WERE the best.

I hit my wall very early in my run, like 2 songs in (that’s how I measure my distance…actually I measure a lot of things in my life by music) and I was tempted like every other time that I’ve gone for a jog this year to just stop at the same place and walk the rest of the way.  But I didn’t.  I made up my mind to keep going.  I was burning, I was sweating and suddenly I was past the hard part and I was flying again.  Inevitably I knew I would hit another wall in a few minutes, but I enjoyed those few minutes of what seems like the most free feeling in the world and I didn’t think about what was coming.

Eventually I got to the point that I knew my body would collapse if I kept going so I slowed down.  But I DIDN’T stop.  I walked until I felt reprieve and then I started running again.  This time I ran into the newest part of our development and it was just me and the road and the sky and the air.

Finally I came to a stop on our newest lot (yes we are building a new house again soon) and looked out over the water.  I started thinking about my run in relation to my life…especially lately.  I haven’t been running.  Mostly I’ve been walking…s.l.o.w.l.y. or coming to a complete standstill.  Instead of pushing myself, I keep just making excuses and giving up.  It’s pathetic really.  It’s very, very easy to keep up a lack of momentum.  No strain there!

But that’s not what life is about.  It’s about pushing past the cramps and the walls and achy parts.  It’s pushing until you are flying again and you feel like you could go forever.  It’s about enjoying the present moment instead of the fact that there will be hard times.  Let’s face it, there will always be hard times.

It’s taking friends running with you so that you have someone to talk to, someone to push you past your limits.  It’s having people there for you when you finally do run out of steam and collapse to the ground.  The people who cheer you on to finish your race, to reach your potential or just plain drag you across the finish line so you can start a new race.

And you know, even though I was running alone today in the physical, I was thinking about all the people who are on the sidelines cheering me on in my life.  The people who want me to be my best and who are holding my hands when I don’t want to keep running.  The people who are running beside me even when I’m choosing the path less traveled or the steep upward climb rather than the nice level road.  The friends who have been down my particular route before and can help me traverse it rather than leaving me to blindly fumble on my own.  I was thinking about the friends who I’m running beside while they run over their own rocky terrain and knowing that I’m their cheering squad.

None of us can run this alone.  But we HAVE to keep running.  Because if you are sitting still…you’re not going anywhere and nothing changes.

I’m addicted.  So, so addicted.  I can’t stop and I don’t want to.  You can’t make me.  Ha!  Although I’ve actually run out of room on my flair board, so I guess I will be forced to stop.  I really don’t do much on my Facebook, but after seeing this on Amanda’s blog, I got kind of intrigued and the rest is history.

Now I want them in real life : )  I hope you can read them, because this board really gives you a glimpse as to who I am.  Jer was shocked at how much of me was reflected by this.  I LOVE it!

***ETA: After publishing this post I realize you CAN’T read them, so here are some of them:

Sigh…they just make me happy!  There are more, but they don’t really say anything and are just pretty pictures.  Which are your favorite ones?

Okay, okay, okay already.  Here are the pictures from my “27 Dresses” party.  Of the 6 girls that were at the party, 5 of us wore our dresses.  The other gal, didn’t fit into hers.  But in a good way, she was smaller than the last time she wore her dress (and she’s had twins), lucky bum.  I think quite possibly the boning in my dress punctured some internal organ or another.  The smile pasted on my face is actually just shock and me holding my breath so I don’t bust the zipper.  And I’m leaning back in an effort to keep my tummy from protruding out the bottom of the boning!  True dat!

Here I’m raising my hand to actually make room to breathe.  Sure wish I could remember what I was saying cause apparently I was rockin’ the house with my hilarity!

And classic Erin, not paying any attention to the person trying to take our picture while I shoot off my mouth about some inane subject or other.  Brilliant.

From left to right: Candace (girl who has had twins and is now too small for bridesmaid dress a.k.a. “lucky bum”), Becky (wearing a lovely cream satin number from her brother’s wedding), Moi (a.k.a. loudmouth party hostess with the mostess and yes, I do in fact clean my house and do general daily activities in that little number!), Svea (who might not like me saying this but isn’t she stunning in that red dress…pregnant!  Yeeee!!!), Shelley (looking all sexy in her strapless chocolate goodness), Rachel (kudos go out to her because I got her in a dress, neener, neener, neener!  She just had a baby 2 months ago and she DOES NOT WEAR DRESSES!  EVER!!!  I got her to wear her bridesmaid dress from a friends wedding where they all wore a different color of wrap with white tank top.  It totally counts as a bridesmaid dress!  So yay her).

About 30 seconds after these pictures were taken we ran, leaped and bounded to the bedroom where yoga pants, sweatpants and stretchy pants of all manner awaited us.  Because really, who can eat taquitos, spring rolls, popcorn chicken, cream puffs, pumpkin bar and popcorn when your body is stuffed into a dress that isn’t really comfortable to begin with?  But let’s face it people, the dresses could totally be cut off and worn again!  So true.

I’m so happy everyone played along with my little party idea and please, feel free to steal this idea and blog about it so that I can see all YOUR dresses : )

I’m on a streak!  Three for three…three amazing women who have amazing blogs and who are so amazing in person.  I’m going to see how many times I can say ‘amazing’ in this post (have you ever noticed when you say a word many times over and over it starts to sound really funny and then you just keep repeating it and wondering how it ever came to be a word in the first place?  Um, right, where was I?…).

I just had the loveliest evening with an incredible (and yes, amazing) woman.  Nicole was gracious enough to agree to meet me for coffee after only having met me via our blogs.  I’m really enjoying this meeting amazing (there it is again) blogging friends.  I mean, they are so great on their blogs and smart and intelligent and fun, but in person…wow!  And what’s really great is that Nicole lives only 25 minutes from me.  : )  Yay!  And I thought we got along splendidly (phew, found a different adjective…hard to do when you are really excited about something and all your brain repeats is “amazing, amazing…”), which hopefully means many more such fun filled evenings.

In Nicole, I found a person who like me a) can talk a lot (I’m learning this is a good thing), b) can wander off into other subjects completely unrelated to the one that was currently being discussed and meander back to the original topic all without missing a beat (at least she is good enough to state that she will be veering onto a new path, I tend to just tear ahead without warning…I will take lessons from her on that), c) loves to laugh (and she definitely made me laugh).  She is so cute!  Adorable, really.

What more can I say?  I look forward to getting to know her better.

Ping Pong is an OLYMPIC SPORT?!????

Here are some little morsels from my week and upcoming weekend, none which are long enough to have a really interesting post by themselves, but combined…morsely goodness : )  At least to me.

The other day my mom and I are looking at a clothing catalog and she points out a pair of shoes that she thinks are hideous.  I thought they were quite cute!  And I said so.  She thought I was just saying that to be silly.  Then Jer and I are shopping the other day and I said “Oh, I need a new pair of shoes because I only have a few weeks before my deadline to have my 12 new pairs of shoes by the end of summer.”  We walk into my favorite shoe store and I zone in on a gorgeous pair of black leather shoes.  EXACTLY like the ones my mom hated.  Which just for the record, made them even more desirable.  Rebellion reared it’s ugly head and these beauties found a loving home in my closet.  They already feel like part of the family!  And all I can say to my mom is “neener, neener, neener!”  : )  She did grudgingly tell me that they were really cute on me, which made the purchase even better.

*****

Yesterday I hosted a jewellry and accessories party at my house.  The perfect evening…shopping coming to you!  Doesn’t get better than that.  Especially with all the gawgeous stuff that my cousin’s company Pink Fusion carries.  Look at this sweet bag I got.

*****

This is how I found Aidan after her nap the other day.  She wasn’t even quite awake yet, but she’d had the forethought to put on a nice warm hat.  Good thing because it was like 36 degrees Celsius (96.8 degrees Fahrenheit).  She wasn’t fond of the whole picture taking, flash in her face right after waking up.  But if you want to do things like this, it’s inevtible, really.

*****

Can I admit something?  I am a marker snob.  I keep buying my girls new packs of markers because they always want me to color with them and I CANNOT STAND coloring with markers that are drying out or ruined by little girls who press too hard.  So I buy new packs every couple weeks so that I can color happily with nice markers : )  We have a lot of markers!  (Can anyone guess what I spent the afternoon doing?)

*****

Tonight I’m having a few girlfriends from church over for a “27 Dresses” party.  What’s that, you ask?  Or maybe you don’t care, but I’m gonna tell you anyway.  We are going to watch “27 Dresses” and eat food and in honor of the movie I’ve asked them to wear a bridesmaid dress for the party.  We will be taking pictures fo sho!  We’re not yet too old for some goofy fun and I hope we never are!!

 *****

Tomorrow I’m going to a baseball game.  One of my friends asked me to go to a game with her.  Then 2 days later a different friend asked me to go to a game with HER.  What are the chances?  They don’t know each other, but both decided that this was the week to submit me to a long slow form of torture…9 innings long!!  So I told them if they wanted to go see a game then they could both go with me to the same game because like heck I’m going to TWO baseball games.  I don’t even like baseball!  I was telling a friend today about how I wasn’t going to actually watch baseball, I’m just going to the game to be with my friends and have fun.  I was told that I HAVE to watch the game.  WT*?!?  I don’t HAVE to do anything!!  Well apparently I have to watch the game because it’s important to keep your eyes on the ball in the event that it should end up flying into the stands and come hurtling at your head at high speeds (which apparently it does on a fairly regular basis), you can prevent being injured.  I snickered and said something to the effect of “that will be an interesting girls night out with balls flying at our heads” which resulted in a long bout of hilarity and guffawing.  So mature, I know.  Sigh.

*****

I decided on a whim that I wanted to take my girls to the States for a girlie night.  So Monday the three of us (along with my mom and my brother’s girlfriend Steph and her daughter Monika…who all thought that was a splendid idea) are going for a night.  We booked a suite so we can all bunk together and we’ll do some shopping and some swimming in the neat little kiddie play area and just have some good old fashion girl fun.  No boys allowed!  I’m not sure that my 2 little “Daddy’s girls” are quite sold on the idea of Daddy not being there yet, but they’ll get over it : )

*****

And that’s all for me.  Happy weekend! : )

I awoke from my months long emotional/physical stupor to realize that while I was *away* my bum went missing.  I think perhaps it’s been gone too long to put out a missing person report.  Can one report missing parts of one’s anatomy?  Oh, okay. Um, well, I guess I’ll have to figure something else out ’cause frankly, it’s just wrong, all this walking around with no bum.  Technically it’s a miracle I’m walking AT ALL since I think a large role of the gluteus maximus is to propel humans on their feet from point a to point b.  Really, I’m a walking miracle.

See?  Disturbing, isn’t it?

Apparently I had the frame of mind during my mental absence (can you have a “frame” of mind if you are mentally absent?  Things that make you go “hmmm”) to cut my hair, but not find my bum, because shorter hair will get me far in life.  I’m actually truly surprised that I’ve been physically able to sit and do nothing for all these months because sitting can be a real challenge with no hiney.  Extremely difficult.

And now I will be getting off my area “formerly-known-as-bum” and I will hie myself away at once for a jog to relocate missing nether regions in hopes of at least making contact and reestablishing good relations, all this with high hopes of retaining it in a more permanent position of employment.

_{**edited to add: I actually cropped my bum out of that picture…I do have a little more than is depicted.  But not much.  Must defend what there is.}

Well I think technically it’s the day after.  So we can say that lately I’ve been in a funk.  A cloud.  A fog.

Then I got a happy pill.  It’s an all natural happy pill called STR-J (the STR stands for stress).  And Lawd, I love it!  It’s like I woke up yesterday with a renewed sense of…um…something.  Not words, apparently.  But something.  Vigor (did you know when you enter “vigor” into Thesaurus.com it comes up with “oomph”…I didn’t know oomph was actually a word in the dictionary.  Interesting.).  Where was I?  Oh yeah, I’ve regained some energy.  It kicked in sometime yesterday afternoon and I was off on a rampage.

Since 3:00 yesterday afternoon I have washed my bedding, done 4 loads of laundry and folded them AND put it all away (seriously, people, that’s a landmark event right there…that’s as much as I’ve done in a whole week lately!), washed dishes…TWICE (oh, yeah), cleaned my oven (okay well technically my self cleaning oven cleaned itself, but whatevs).  I swept my floor, dusted, washed the insides of all our windows and the outsides of 4 (the rest are like a thousand feet off the ground, so it’s going to take a largeish ladder and a person other than moi to do that since I don’t do anything over 36″ off the ground).  What else…I know there’s more.  I can feel it.  I wiped down about 6 1/2 baseboards before my attention wandered, cleaned out and reorganized my desk (archeology at it’s best), cleaned out the old/unused/too small clothing from the girls’ drawers, organized my books and took out all the ones I’ve read and restacked the ones I haven’t yet read.

(just a few more and I’ll hit the ceiling!  The ones in the large stack are the “to read” books, the ones under them are some of my decorating and design books and then there are the beloved “Twilight” books in their place of honor.  Did I mention the other day I read “New Moon” in 7 hours?  Straight up!  Not lying.)

While cleaning out my desk I found the supplies for a project I’ve been intending to do so I whipped up 2 shadow box art displays for Ella’s room with Barbie clothes (’cause I had some extra time on my hands).  At some point when I get to a scrapbooking store I’ll buy pretty paper to put in the background of them, but for now white paper will do.

If you look closely at this next one you could imagine it being used in a C.S.I. episode…

“If we enlarge the reflection and enhance it we could probably get a clear match for the nailpolish color on the person taking the picture.  If we cross reference it with all the samples we have in the A.N.I.S. Database (*snickers* she said…oh never mind) aka “Automated Nailpolish Identification System” we should get a hit.”

Catherine interjects with “Wait!!  Isn’t that O.P.I’s ‘I’d Like to Thank’”? 

Startled looks from the rest of the team.  “What?!?  I love O.P.I.” (and they always just have that sort of random information at hand cause they are smart like that and that’s why that show is frickin’ awesome)

Not to mention what they could have done with the crumbs that I apparently forgot to wipe up before taking the picture (shaking head in disgust!)  

Anyhoo, I also read blogs intermittantly, possibly had a shower somewhere in there, went through 3 new cook books and made a list of healthy choice recipes (which will be another post) and all the pantry items that I need to buy to make them, and cooked a very nice dinner both days (my family thanks me because I think spring rolls and tacquitos are not really considered “dinner”…what!?  Don’t be hatin’ on me, at least I remembered to feed them…most days).

I think that about sums it up.  And if for some reason anyone thinks I’m bragging about my Martha Stewart like awesomeness in the housecleaning/crafting/organizational arena, can that thought.  By the time I do any of that again, y’all will probably have cleaned your houses like half a dozen times.  I mean, if I have to blog about it…really.  Why do you think we move every 6 months to a year?  Just kidding.  Kind of.

Now I’m tired, but happier.  My house feels liveable again.  My conscience is clear.  I think I pretty much cleared up the rest of August to waste my time doing whatever the heck I want.  Now I think a glass of wine, a bubble bath and “Eclipse” are singing their siren song.

Sigh.

Two hours is just NOT long enough with someone as wonderful as Kimberly.  She’s eloquent, beautiful, gracious, sweet, fun…everything I knew she would be!  When she walked in the door of the restaurant, I jumped up to throw my arms around her (natural reaction to greet someone you’ve never met, isn’t it?) and knew that I was greeting a lifelong friend who has already come to mean the world to me.  She was with her husband, Neil who was a real sport to sit there while we talked and talked and talked.  Trying to fill all 120 minutes with as much as we could.

I’m still a little overwhelmed so I’m not sure what else to say.  It’s such a crazy experience meeting someone for the first time even though you feel like you know them so well already.  I hope she can echo my thoughts in saying that it was perfect and the only thing that could have made it better was to not have had to say goodbye so soon.

The first shot of us was quite funny.  Neil started laughing and said we should take another one.  Deer in headlight eyes and fake smile.

I think the second one turned out nice, although my smile still fell a little while waiting for the camera to flash.

_{And isn’t her hair just lovely?  She just cut it and I think it’s so sweet on her.  Just thought I’d say.}

By the third one I was laughing, and I have to say Kim kept her composure beautifully!

Another lovely memory was created and I had to blink back tears as I walked back to my car.

So why is it not fun?  I haven’t been doing a lot of blogging lately because I’ve been a little emotionally and physically stressed.  I’m in a bit of a fog.  It just doesn’t make for very upbeat blogging!

The stress has been causing some pretty wicked tension in my neck and causing a doozer of a headache which in turn makes me feel more stressed.  It’s affecting my eyes, which causes more tension headaches from the strain.  It makes me restless when I lie down to sleep, so I don’t sleep too much, which causes more headaches from tiredness.  Then on top of all of that I got a nasty case of something akin to vertigo from being on the dock for too long at the lake and it has yet to recede.  I feel like I’m constantly on the dock, swaying and a little dizzy.  It’s causing a pretty unbalanced feeling and making my stomach feel queasy from the combined swaying feeling and headache.  The vertigo happened to me last year for the first time and it took many weeks for it to go away.  Yuck!  I’m not one to complain too much about my physical state because I’ve been much worse off, but enough is enough.

I went to see my naturopath today (who I’ve been seeing since I was diagnosed with Crohn’s 15 years ago and has helped my overcome many physical hurdles in my life) and she had a suggestion for me.  She recommended I go for CranioSacral Massage.  Sounds kind of spooky, doesn’t it?  I’m up for pretty much anything at this point because I’m living in zombie land.  I can hardly drag myself out of bed and that’s just no fun.  I’ve been for deep tissue and therapeutic massage in the last few months and nothing is helping.  So what can it hurt?  And hopefully it will help!  She also gave me some natural pills to help with relaxing (and sleep) and stress relief.  You know, I haven’t had an undisturbed night’s sleep in almost 6 years.  Can you imagine the havoc I could wreak on a good uninterrupted night of sleep?  : )

I’m hoping that this means that things will be looking up for me.  It’s worth a shot.  I feel completely unlike myself and it makes me sad.  So if you have a moment to send up a prayer that things will right themselves soonly, I’d really appreciate it : )

I’m pretty sure that as an aspiring lady of leisure I could get used to large quantities of time at the lake :)  My time was well spent.

Pretty much like this for 7 days…

And that is the one and only picture of me from our holiday : )

YES, that is “Twilight” lying on my lap.  I started and finished that book in one day.  It was quite good.  I’ve never read anything in that sort of genre and I was quite enthralled (I picked up the rest of the books today when I was grocery shopping…YEEEE!!).

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our week (clicking on them makes them clearer).  I’m really tired since it was a busy day shopping, unpacking, laundry, baking Aidan’s birthday cake (her birthday is tomorrow) and getting suckered into watching a movie at 10:30 p.m.

The sunset is almost always brilliant (if it’s a clear evening).  In the 25 years we’ve been going to this place I think we’ve taken the same shot every year.  And every year it takes my breath away.  I was laughing as I took the picture because it’s like deja vu.

One evening at sunset the girls were playing on the rocks and “swimming” (although they never got in past their knees).

My little Aidan just loves her Papa (my dad) and she convinces him to take her on little adventures all the time.  This particular adventure took place in a little inflatable raft.  I know you can’t see their faces, but I loved the way the water sparkled and caught the sunset.

That’s all for today.  I’m going to bed.  Big day tomorrow with 2 birthday parties…one to host and one to attend.  That will create lots more photo ops, so it may be a while before I’m caught up with them.  Thanks for all the lovely comments while I was away.  It’s always nice to come home to an inbox full of love!

Well, we’re off to the lake to spend a week suntanning, swimming, laughing, eating, fishing and reading.  Been for my massage.  Got my toes painted (’Catherine of Grape’…giggling).  Purchased 65 bags of chips to everyone’s specifications.  More treats than we’ll ever need.  In fact, we don’t need to bring actual food for lunches because likely no one will be hungry : )  I have about 8 books packed, though I’ll probably only get through about 2.  I broke down and bought “Twilight” by Stephanie Meyer.  Peer pressure if you will.  I saw people talking about it and was like “what’s all the hype about?” and bought it.  I’ve spent about $50 on decorating and design magazines which in turn will add up to thousands of dollars worth of brilliant ideas for us to incorporate in a future house : )

All I need is my bathing suit and sunscreen and I’m GOOD TO GO!!!  Too bad that’s not all we are taking.  My poor little Saturn is going to be exploding at the seams and we’ll have to send a bunch of stuff in my parents’ truck.  But I refuse to get a van!  Why?  Who knows.  Just something to be stubborn about.

And I haven’t actually started packing, just piling.  So why am I sitting here blogging when I should be getting ready (should have started 2 days ago)?  I’m the procrastinator of the century.  Why do now what I can do at midnight?  Hee, hee.

Well, happy week bloggy friends.  Don’t forget about me.

P.s.  Here are a couple pictures I took of the “lake” our house backs onto.  I’ve been just LOVING Picnik and playing with every picture I take.  And ya’ll made me feel so good after I shared the last pictures that I’m being brave.  I just thought these turned out nice…

Whilst making supper this evening I was half paying attention to the tv which was in my line of vision as I chopped potatoes.  As all good mother’s do I had Treehouse taking care of the kiddos so that I could cook in peace.  I snapped to attention when I realized that Bob (as in “Bob the Builder”) is quite the Casanova!  I never realized that there was such a blatant romantic subplot between Bob and Wendy!  Ha!  I find it rather sad when the most exciting part of my day is watching 2 cartoon characters flirt : )  So can he do it?  YES.HE.CAN!!!

Scene:

Bob is excited to be entering a line dancing contest with his partner of female persuasion (NOT Wendy).  He’s telling all his friends about it and everyone is very excited.

Cut to the next scene…Wendy is bemoaning her singleness to her dog:

“Some people will be out dancing the night away, and others will be sitting at home alone!”  Insert heavy sigh while her dog gives her a sympathetic wag of his tail.

Over to Bob’s house where he gets THE phone call.  Dancing partner (whose name has momentarily escaped me) must cancel on Bob due to an accident at the gym on a treadmill (snort!).  Bob is deeply disappointed that he can’t be in the contest anymore and is complaining to Wendy (the poor “best friend, but oh so crushing on you, so will you please notice me in a non friend sort of way” character).

“I was really looking forward to this contest and now I have to drop out!” he cries to Wendy.

Wendy, with eyes averted says, “Well you COULD find a new partner.”  Blink, blink.  (Well done, Wendy, not too eager off the starting line…)

Bob slaps his forehead, “But Wendy, where will I EVER find a partner at this late date?” (I started giggling at this point and almost chopped off my finger. I’m so glad our children are being taught at such an early age the intricate delicacies in the art of flirting!  Because goodness knows, they may need that in preschool when they have to find a partner for finger painting or block building!)

Wendy again very coyly says, “Well I could be your partner, Bob.” (Yeah, Bob, you Dolt!  What do you need?  Her to jump up and down waving her hands saying “ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!”  Seriously.  Sometimes men are so slow!)  

“But you don’t know the dance and the contest is in an hour!” Bob points out.

“I’m a quick learner, I’m sure I could figure it out.” (A woman of many talents…on the job site and off!)

So they practice, he’s impressed, yadda-yadda and they leave to get ready for the event.

He goes to pick her up and when he sees her he gasps, “Wendy!  You look lovely!!”  (more giggling)

And they win the contest.

They didn’t show it, but likely the headiness of winning made him clutch her in his arms and kiss the snot out of her.  Hopefully they didn’t get carried away in the moment and they kept their tools in their tool belts, if you know what I’m sayin’.  Because I’ll be disturbed if the next episode is about their shot-gun wedding…”Bob and Wendy get hitched” and perhaps nine months later an episode called “Wendy becomes a Mommy”!  Because “Can we fix it?” Nuh uh!  No you can’t.  One night of dancing could lead to a lifetime of responsibility!  Didn’t anyone ever tell you the dangers of dancing?

I really should get a life…and maybe go to bed.